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I DIDN'T KNOW YOU CARED! to IVOR THE ENGINE
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I DIDN'T KNOW YOU CARED!
(MID 1970s)
BBC
MOANING YORKSHIRE clan the Brandons, of the moaning persuasion, get in various gloomy situations (crap holiday outings, burnt dinners, local hostelry is out of pork scratchings) and moan and bicker and moan. Lugubrious centre of things was Uncle Mort, aka ROBIN "POTTER Mk. II" BAILEY. BERT PALMER turned Uncle Staveley, cloth-eared caterwauler of "I 'eard that...pardon" proclivity, into role model for miserly uncles across the land. LIZ SMITH, STEPHEN REA and Ethel off of EastEnders made up the numbers and brought the drain cleaners.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...PETER TINNISWORD BROUGHT THE WORDS
I THOUGHT YOU'D GONE!
(1984)
CENTRAL
TWO MIDDLE-AGED middle class middle Englanders...with mirth in mind! At least that's what was promised as PETER JONES and PAT HEYWOOD moved to the country, finally having shaken off the tenacious talons of their offspring. Only...well, can't you read the title?
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...NO NO PLACE LIKE HOME
THIS IS THE ONE. Premium pulling-out-the-stops affair courtesy of a benevolent Beeb looking for something to celebrate 40 years of telly and coming up with a toga-encrused blood-soaked poison-splattered latex-smothered wine-soused vine-doused epic of Romanic empire proportions. Which was convenient, for that was the subject; specifically the decline and fall of Italy's finest, told from the perspective of a limping, twitching, stuttering DEREK JACOBI dodging the cutting remarks and cutting down of his entire family to somehow survive 70 odd years of palatial pandemonium. Passing through: BRIAN BLESSED as a majestically befuddled Augustus ("Where are my eagles?!"), SIAN LLOYD as his missus Livia ("By the way: don't touch the figs"), GEORGE BAKER as doomed deviant Tiberias ("Why doesn't he like me?"), JOHN HURT as demented loon Caligula ("Haven't you noticed? I have become a God!"), PATRICK STEWART as tyro henchman Sejanus ("Let's hold another treason trial!"), CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS as Nero ("What a pretty thing a fire is!"), SHEILA WHITE as the near-permanently topless Messalina ("Let's have a tournament...of sex!"), BERNARD HILL as a Scouse guard ("You're our emperor now, mate!"), STRATFORD JOHNS as treacherous senator Piso ("Let's open our veins together!"), IAN OGILVY as naive nuisance Drusus ("I can match you black for black"), SIMON MCCORKINDALE as equally naive nicompoop Lucius, BERNARD HEPTON as meddling aide Pallas and PETER BOWLES as silver-haired Brit (of course) CARACTACUS.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."DON'T...GO...IN...THERE!"
IF IT MOVES, FILE IT
(1970)
LWT
ONE JOKE officecom from the otherwise pained pen of TROY KENNEDY MARTIN, wherein JOHN BIRD, and play civil servants bickering over the bulldog clips.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...TEXTBOOK EXAMPLE OF EARLY LWT ATTITUDE TO COMEDY I.E. NO LAUGHS
IF YOU WERE ME
(EARLY 1970s)
BBC
LIFE SWAP endeavour for kids, usually involving week-long exchange between grotty urchin from Lancaster and muted offspring from "the third world", latter forever proving to be more cultured than the former. Every episode had to feature a scene where an Arab child looked stumped trying to understand pigeon racing and a Brit giggled embarrassingly at a woman with a turban.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."I DON'T WANT MY SON MIXING WITH MOSLEMS!"
THE IMPOSSIBLES
(1967)
HANNA-BARBERA
FROM THE BOTTOM of Will and Joe's filing cabinet came this offering: a BATFINK-esque runaround boasting a Beatlesesque three man pop band called upon at a moment's notice to become crimefighting figures Coilman (spring replaces lower body); Multiman (there's loads of him) and Fluidman (guess).
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...BACK HOME IN TIME FOR TEA AND THREE-PART HARMONIES
IN AT THE DEEP END
(1982-87)
BBC
HEADLINE VEHICLE for ubiquitous have-a-go merchants CHRIS SERLE and PAUL HEINEY moonlighting from THAT'S LIFE to assume preposterous gigs in preposterous professions all in the name of television. Seemed to always be on in the 80s, and for many the sight of Paul trying to direct the video for Bananarama's 'Trick of the Night' is what that decade will always be about. Quite rightly, we're saying. Other "assignments": working as press photographer for the Daily Mirror; fashion designer; bookmaker (they were short of ideas that week); opera singer; shepherd (ditto); auctioneer; and snooker partner to Steve Davis.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."THERE WAS CLEARLY MORE TO THIS JOB THAN MET THE EYE..."
IN BED WITH CHRIS NEEDHAM
(1992)
BBC
"THEY SAY: 'Do you realise you're eating something dead there?' Well yes, I do, and as a matter of fact, I'm enjoying it!"
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."WE'RE DRINKING!"
IN LOVING MEMORY
(1979-86)
YORKSHIRE
THORA HIRD, as usual playing herself, is an undertaker in a bluff, gruff, "take me as you find me" Lancashire funeral firm with stupid nephew CHRISTOPHER BEENY as co-pallbearer. Now let the laughs commence!
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...WE'RE STILL WAITING
IN THE LIMELIGHT WITH LESLEY
(1979)
ULTRA-OBSCURE PLACEMENT for post-BLUE PETER JUDD, conducting snappy interviews with unlikely celebs in complete darkness save for bilious green spotlight that revealed subjects sequestered in huge quasi-MASTERMIND chairs.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...LIME LIGHT, YOU SEE?
INCH HIGH PRIVATE EYE
(1973)
HANNA-BARBERA
DECENT ENOUGH diminutive dosage courtesy of the eternally-generous Will and Joe, this time in the form of the titular imperially-measured miniature private dick. Only ran for 13 episodes, despite having LENNIE "SCRAPPY DOO" WEINRIB on vocal duties.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."OH NO! THE SHRINKING FORMULA'S WEARING OFF! AGAIN!"
THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF PROFESSOR BRANESTAWM
(1969)
THAMES
FLEDGLING EFFORT from the boys at Euston Road, with TREVOR PRESTON faithfully adapting various of NORMAN HUNTER's mobile lending library stalwarts. JACK WOOLGAR played the Prof, PAUL WHITSUN-JONES Colonel Dedshott, and FREDA DOWIE a suitably shifty/scary Mrs Flittersnoop.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...COMBUSTIBLE
THE INCREDIBLE HULK
(1978-82)
GLEN A. LARSON
DR 'DAVID' BANNER, nebulously defined "strength" research, gamma rays, green skin, ripped shirts, slow-motion violence, back to normal, new shirt from nowhere, long trek down road, plaintive piano, "quest to control the raging beast that dwells wthin him". BILL BIXBY and LOU FERRIGNO ("he eats 40 eggs a day!") as before and after respectively.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY - YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY" WAS RESURRECTED, WITH BOTH LOU AND BIX, IN A SERIES OF TV MOVIE 'SPECIALS' THROUGHOUT THE 1980S. THERE WAS ALSO A CARTOON NARRATED BY STAN LEE A SHADE EARLIER, FEATURING CORRECTLY-NAMED BOB BRUCE BANNER
THE INCREDIBLE MR. TANNER
(1981)
THAMES
RAGGED SITCOM - literally - with ROY KINNEAR and BRIAN MURPHY dressing down for the occasion as street entertainer escapologist and assistant. Remake of ancient Ronnie Barker Playhouse idea, which was crap to begin with.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...NO BETTER SECOND TIME AROUND
THE INCREDIBLE ROBERT BALDICK
(1972)
BBC
ROBERT HARDY unsheathed his best eccentric credentials for this bonkers Hammer-esque Victorian yarn wherein our hero, a psychic ghostfighting doctor, goes about his business replete with private steam train boasting lab, living quarters, and assistants. Quasi-alien spooks invading 19th century England? That'd never work on telly.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."DOCTOR, WHAT ARE WE UP AGAINST?" "ALL IN GOOD TIME, ALL IN GOOD TIME"
INDELIBLE EVIDENCE
(EARLY 1980s)
BBC
CHARMLESS CRIMEWATCH roadtester shuttled out on BBC2 proffering supremely detailed reconstructions and behind-the scenes gubbins with camera-shy forensics. Notable early small screen airing of PAM ST. CLEMENTS' Cockney Harridan, here trying to gas herself in own car.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...INTOXICATION EFFORTS UNSUCCESSFUL
INDOOR LEAGUE
(LATE 1970s)
YORKSHIRE
EARTHY ATTEMPT to popularise earthy Professional Northern earthiness in shape of mass participatory sports of bar billiards, bar skittles and shove ha'penny, the latter, averred host FRED TRUEMAN in earthy fashion, "matches the skill and dexterity of the miniature portrait painter." Whole shebang set in a pretend pub, complete with awful lifesize cartoon murals of be-flared '70s people. Ultra-cheap institution of a weekend lunchtime, judiciously - and earthily - helmed by NEIL CLEMINSON, DAVE LANNING and KEITH MACKLIN.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...I'LL SEE THEE...
INDOORS OUTDOORS
(LATE 1970s)
BBC
MORE PASTIME hard sell, here taking the shape of a giant castor oil dose of "home activities" comprising gardening, DIY, cooking and craft. Man with the rake: GEOFFREY SMITH. Woman with the bake: ZENA BARRETT.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THOSE "PRICES" EITHER!
THE INNES BOOK OF RECORDS
(1981-82)
BBC
PYTHON IMPOSTER and ex-Rutle presents ragbag of self-penned songs accompanied by cheapo prototype video clips, which promises much but delivers only sporadically. Much like The Rutles. And all other Innes/Idle tomfoolery (RUTLAND WEEKEND TELEVISION for starters). Highlights: UFO Shanty, with Innes in blackface and full Tom Baker regalia performing with a scout jamboree, complete with multi-lingual bouncing ball subtitles; and the Gallagher-nicked How Sweet To Be An Idiot accompanied by some condom-headed performance art.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...BUT A SHORT STEP TO THE RAGGY DOLLS, PUDDLE LANE AND ROSIE AND JIM
INSIDE GEORGE WEBLEY
(1968-70)
YORKSHIRE
ROY KINNEAR again, this time as a professional worrier, hypochondriac and towering bore. Married to PATSY ROWLANDS, who doesn't half regret it.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."DID I TURN OFF THE GAS?"
SCHOOLS EFFORT for hard of hearing kids starring the one and only DEREK GRIFFITHS, required to mime a great deal and speak in exaggerated fashion. Boasted special section called Watchword, starring a stopwatch with eyes and legs, wherein Derek would pretend to be a tree or do his "wide dance" in instantly recognisable full-on Music And Movement flashback horror.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...IS THERE NOTHING THIS MAN CAN'T TURN HIS HAND TO? WE HOPE NOT
INSPECTOR GADGET
(1983)
DIC (PRONOUNCED "DICK")
EXECREABLE ECCENTRIC with show-off retractable limb assortment and punchable face teams up with Apple Powerbook-wielding niece Penny and comedy mutt Brains to thwart crime in badly-redubbed American English, blowing up moustachioed chief disguised as litter bin en route. "Wow, Uncle Gadget! You sure saved that electric power station!" "Yes, Penny. But power stations are very dangerous places..." Fuck off.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...PART OF THE 1980S FOREIGN-ANIMATION INVASION OF BRITAIN. WAS THE FALKLANDS WAR FOUGHT FOR NOTHING, DAMMIT?
THE INTERCEPTOR
(1989)
CHATSWORTH/THAMES
"I LIKE IT!" The playground talking point of the year, one of the most preposterous things ever bundled out in the name of "action adventure" television, and absolutely fucking ace. In full: ANNABEL CROFT introduces two joe ordinaries dressed in romper suits with strange backpacks, one of which contains prizes beyond avarice, but both of which can be locked for good with one zap from the titular blackguard, aka SEAN O'KANE: a leather-clad 'copter criminal with a penchant for making bird noises, somersaulting over farmyard gates and gurning. Contestants get split up then have to find their way back to each other using "natural landmarks" which then helps Annabel locate them on her map from within her "base in the beautiful county town of Ludlow!", from where she then navigates them towards rendezvous. All the while the Interceptor hovers above chasing the goons hither and thither, joshing with pilot "Mikey", before jumping out and donning a disguise to lure them towards his giant hoofer doofer of doom. Dementedness summed up by the chicanery that was played out between Annabel and the players at the start of each episode, and which lasted at least a dozen minutes. First came the business of getting the programme title wrong ("Welcome to another edition of Interceptor"), or drastically underselling the whole endeavour ("Welcome to what we HOPE will be another exciting edition of Interceptor!") followed by a 12-second history lesson ("I'm here in the grounds of the gorgeous Woburn Abbey, with occasional examples of beautiful masonry dating back to the mid-15th century!"), then a painfully convoluted explanation of what the game involved. Highlight of this section was where Annabel purported to "mix up" the two packs the contestants carried on their backs, ostensibly so they didn't know which contained money and which was empty, but which always followed the same pattern ending in a pointless bit where she simply stood the packs on the ground and turned them back to front then back again, like that made a crucial difference. Not forgetting the bit where the team were supposed to ask, in a state of dumb wonderment, why they had to always keep their backs to the Interceptor, to which Annabel muttered something about him being able to lock their cases, which triggered the contestants' response "And why does he do that?" word for word every bloody week. The whole palaver was then topped off by Annabel making great play of waving the contestants off in their helicopter when they were already blindfolded and couldn't see a fucking thing. Contestants themselves were always a) posh b) stupid and c) prone to infantile levels of hysteria at the merest whim. One pair almost blew it completely after one of them promised to meet the other "at the bridge" but neglected to say he'd actually be waiting under it. Then there was the hopeless naive toff ("There's a lovely pheasant - shame I haven't got time to pluck it") who forgot how to climb a ladder. Best of all, one decided to talk back to the Interceptor, to wit: "Come on then! Come on then!" Suffice to say the entire series was an absolute embarrassment of riches - and tanked big time, never to return.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."I THINK I'VE GOT ONE, MIKEY!"
FRESH FROM ruling the known world (see above) BRIAN BLESSED settled his sticky paws upon no less a target than the known universe, courtesy of this ultra-expensive, effects-heavy but scarcely-seen sci-finery from GERRY ANDERSON. Only one episode got made before the money ran out.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...DITTO BRIAN'S PATIENCE
INTO THE LABYRINTH
(1981-82)
HTV WEST
PREPOSTEROUS MAGUFFINISM with the emphasis on guff. Three posh kids wander where they shouldn't and end up pawns in a multi-galatic time-and-space war where RON MOODY in a dress tries to stop PAMELA SALEM in a teatowel from nicking the Nidus, weird mystical source of all that is "good". Robin Hood, Long John Silver, Guy Fawkes and other school-picture-book-history-characters get in the way. Titular labyrinth a six-inch high model.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...MUCH CACKLING AND CACK-HANDERY
CHIRPY APOCALYPSE CAPERS with ROY THINNES looking like he'd been on the thinners touring the New World desperately warning of how aliens had taken over the world disguising themselves as people who looked like, well, him. And he wondered why nobody believed him. Aliens had giveaway, as is TV law, by dint of Inspector Gadget-esque bendy fingers. Plus the handy fact they went orange and disappeared when they died, supplying many "oh, so he was one then" plotwrap. Neat runarounds, twist being we never discovered who the eponymous belligerents actually were.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...GENE HACKMAN, PETER "IMPOSSIBLE" GRAVES, JACK "FIVE-O" LORD AND BURGESS "PENGUIN" MEREDITH WERE ALL GUEST ALIENS AT SOME POINT
WAFER-THIN (APPROPRIATELY) Wells-baiting update with DAVID "ILLYA" MCCALLUM as vanishing boy Daniel Weston, this time working for the US government. Donned rubber mask for ease of star identification. Blue screen floating head scenes much in evidence. Wit and whimsy not.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..." "
BETTER EFFORT, this time with PIP DONAGHY as the unseen psycho. Chromakey frenzy supplied multiple invisible riding bikes, floating shirts, chewing, sitting in baths of yellow fluid under a flashing light during 'invisibility experiments, etc. FRANK MIDDLEMASS looked in.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...PENNED BY TERRENCE "WHO'S RUSSELL T DAVIES?" DICKS
THE INVISIBLE WOMAN
(1983)
NBC
INEVITABLE ROLE-REVERSAL spin on the above, seeing (or rather not) ALEXA HAMILTON get in the way of one of her Eccentric Inventor Uncle's (GILLIGAN'S ISLAND'S BOB DENVER) experiments. Transparency tribulations ensued.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...INVISIBILTY OF ENTERTAINMENT MUCH IN EVIDENCE
THE IRISH RM
(1983-85)
CHANNEL FOUR
PETER BOWLES, playing himself, retires to the rural west coast of Ireland somewhere in the 1890s to see out his days doing a bit of low-key boundering and cheating. Unfortunately his duties as a local magistrate turn out to involve settling temper tantrums between foaming local farmers, treacherous vicars and fire-breathing buxom matriarchs, leaving precious little time for caddish chicanery. BRYAN MURRAY was our hero's wily landlord, married to BERYL REID for extra shouty shenanigan potential.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...WHISKERY
PERRY MASON fancies a bit of a rest and decides to serve out the rest of his 'tec tenure in a mobile commode. Bevy of beauties on hand to wheel him hither and thither, including a startling-coiffured BARBARA ANDERSON and demure ELIZABETH BAUR. Demanded bachelor pad upstairs in the local police pound for accessibility reasons (30 years ahead of his time!). DON MITCHELL did the donkey work, an ex-felon "tamed" by the 'Side's gentle manner and sage words. Indeed, titular metal-monikered sleuth came to exhibit many a "mellow" side when facing slew of counterculture cretins with long hair and loud clothes. All told, assuredly creaky affairs in need of some WD40.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."BEST FOOT FORWARD, EH CHIEF - OH, SORRY"
KEITH CHATFIELD'S JACKANORIED tales of the escapades of children Sally and Andrew Martin and a magical, talking panda, illustrated courtesy Edward C Standon. Titular name was kids' mistaken reading of half-obscured legend "ThIS SIde up / use NO HOoks" on the crate they found the panda in.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."THERE WAS A BLINDING FLASH, AND A PUFF OF GREEN SMOKE"
IT AIN'T HALF HOT MUM
(1974-81)
BBC
SIMPERING SITCOMMERY involving a single studio set standing in for the entire British World War Two Indian subcontinent campaign and two million shit gags standing in for pithy punchlines, enlightened witticisms and well-crafted tomfoolery. Like DAD'S ARMY, went on for longer than the war it was supposed to be fucking lampooning, and contrived to do so in a noisier, more over-stated fashion as well. WINDSOR DAVIES bellowed his way through proceedings helming a platoon of various comedy gay soldiers including dragged-up MELVYN "GLORIA" HAYES, pintsize kit factory DON ESTELLE, STUART "PLAY SCHOOL" MACGUGAN, GEORGE LAYTON and JOHN "MR LA-DI-DAH GUNNER GRAHAM" CLEGG, plus the requisite number of thick/aloof officers and pretend asians. More offensive than LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR, less funny than EDGE OF DARKNESS, less credible than AROUND THE WORLD WITH WILLY FOGG.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."MEET THE GANG COS..." CLICK.
IT TAKES A WORRIED MAN...
(1981-83)
THAMES
PETER TILBURY, pen merchant of SHELLEY, steps in front of the camera to do his own words as a textbook Thames telly divorced, middle-aged man in textbook Thames telly divorced, middle-aged malady. Title sequence set the tone: a close-up photo of Pete's face falls apart piece by piece to a comedy oompah tuba tune.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...DEMOTED TO CHANNEL 4 FOR LAST SERIES, THEREBY INCREASING THE LATTER'S LAUGH QUOTIENT 1000 PER CENT
IT'S A KNOCKOUT/JEUX SANS FRONTIERES
(1966-82)
BBC
WELL-DOCUMENTED BUT far from well-heeled national and pan-European pantomime Olympics, promoting cross-continental integration through the dignified pursuit of citizens in oversized giant-headed frog costumes, the exchange of blows with massive fuck-off foam mallets on greasy poles above paddling pools, and the embarking upon the carrying-of-green-water-in-a-tarpaulin-to-measuring-jug assault course. UK incarnation pitted plucky provincial batteries of squared-jawed blokes and tottering big-haired women against each other in muddy fields adjacent to Notable Local Architecture. STUART HALL was ringmaster, chiefly required to laugh endlessly at stupid 70s people slipping up in acres of 70s mud. Aided and abetted, far from ably, by EDDIE WARING while ARTHUR ELLIS, an ex-referee, kept score, logically. Teams could play "joker" - giant-sized (wasn't everything?) card brandished from out of nowhere - to double points in any one game. Tenuous theme usually linked proceedings, tenuously linked in with surrondings and tenuous celebrity guestage. European league - JEUX SANS FRONTIERS - found "plucky Brits" battling for the pride of the nation against "ruthlessly efficient" Germans, "romantically careless" Italians, "cunning" French, "unpredictable" Spanish, "frustratingly enigmatic" Swiss, "unknown" Belgians etc.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, AND OVER HE GOES!"
IT'S GARRY SHANDLING'S SHOW
(1987-90)
SHOWTIME/VIACOM
PRE-LARRY SANDERS pissabout for the eponymous moocher, breaking the fourth wall a la MOONLIGHTING but in a more consistently capricious fashion. Our hero would slip in and out of 'Gare-ree', compassionately squinting quintessential-to-the-point-of-putrefaction sit-guy worrying over his problems and those of condo neighbours Nancy and the wet Schumaker family, alternating with randomly deflating asides and bits to audience, who frequently turned up in shot, or moaning about a joke, or buggering off early, or skiving a punchline, or gladhanding guest stars, or generally doing the can't-be-arsed schtick. Ace stuff which hardly anyone watched over here, but fondly remembered by those who did.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...CLASSIC HERE'S-THE-DEAL OPENING THEME: "THIS IS THE THEME TO GARRY'S SHOW/THE THEME TO GARRY'S SHOW/GARRY CALLED ME UP AND ASKED IF I COULD WRITE HIS THEME SONG/I'M ALMOST HALFWAY FINISHED/HOW DO YOU LIKE IT SO FAR/HOW DO YOU LIKE THE THEME TO GARRY'S SHOW?/THIS IS THE THEME TO GARRY'S SHOW/THE OPENING THEME TO GARRY'S SHOW/THIS IS THE MUSIC THAT YOU HEAR AS YOU WATCH THE CREDITS/WE'RE ALMOST TO THE PART WHERE I START TO WHISTLE/THEN WE'LL WATCH IT'S GARRY SHANDLING'S SHOW!"
DES LYNAM extended the eponymous salutation to a parade of rum and rusty small screen relics on many a weekday afternoon, proceeding to chat about their "favourite TV archive clips" and catch up on "what you've been up to of late". OMD's Souvenir was the theme tune.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."I'LL NEVER FORGET, AND DES I DON'T KNOW IF YOU RECALL IT, THE BLOOD DONOR SKETCH..."
IT'S THE WOLF!
(1970s)
HANNA-BARBERA
UMPTEENTH BOTTOM-OF-THE-BARREL business from Will and Joe, wherein little sheep Lambsy was forever captured by Mildew Wolf. Then he'd shout "It's the wolf!" and a dog would come running and beat up the wolf. That was it.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...MUST TRY HARDER
IT'S WICKED
(1987)
BBC
SCOUSE-SCHLEPPED CONTRADICTION in terms.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...IT WASN'T
POST-WOGAN WHIMSY with made-to-measure wiseguy kid forever outwitting adult neighbour who wants to shag his mother. Decent plotting ensured results were notch above usual US mid-80s fare, helped by inoffensive JASON BATEMAN on lead duties and DAVID GARRISON as his nemesis.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...BOASTED TEXTBOOK ITALIAN-AMERICAN LOUDMOUTH MR DONATELLI TO BOOT
IVOR THE ENGINE
(1962-64/1976-79)
SMALLFILMS
"THERE HE is, look!" Cut-out capery from Postgate and co. Titular olde worlde locomotive plus trusty Jones The Steam embark on slow-moving adventures along Ffestiniog-style Welsh valley branch line. Grumpy Dai the stationmaster poked his nose in, as did Idris, high-pitched dragon who took to living in the engine's furnace when nearby volcano unavailable, and Evans the song, local choirmaster. Done first in black and white for ITV then spruced up with colour for the Beeb, thereby ensuring cross-generation recognition and near-universal appeal.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...SITUATED "IN THE TOP-LEFT-HAND CORNER OF WALES"
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