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R3 to ROBIN OF SHERWOOD
ROBIN'S NEST to RYAN AND RONNIE
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HIGH-FALUTIN' MACHINE-TOOTLIN' tribute to that most ubiquitous of 1960s freestanding studio sets, the Government Research Laboratory. JOHN "THE RUBBISH QUATERMASS" ROBINSON led the massed ranks of white-coated wunderkids, "juggling" professional and personal lives with all the aplomb you'd juggle, well, a pipette and a particle accelerator.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...ALSO APPEARING: ALEXANDRA "CHAMPIONS" BASTEDO, PETER "KING" WYNGARDE, GLYN "RAT CATCHERS" OWEN, MIKE "RANDALL" PRATT, JOHN "ROUGH" JUNKIN, KEN "SQUIRRELS" JONES, BRIGIT "THELMA" FORSYTH, WILLIAM "NO PLACE LIKE CHAMPIONS" GAUNT, ERIC "SAID FLORENCE" THOMPSON, LEONARD "GOOD OLD" SACHS AND OLIVER REED
RACHEL AND THE ROARETTES
(1985)
BBC PEBBLE MILL
LESBIONIC BIKER gang hold up a wedding ceremony, then turn up in 1700s period costume to do an opera. No discernable point to proceedings at all, though JOSIE LAWRENCE was in it, playing the titular Rach. GARY OLDMAN was looked in as well, as the fiance of the girl snatched from the altar by the lesbite leathereds, but his part was cut to ribbons because the money ran out. JAMES GROUT and Mike from THE YOUNG ONES were also involved, and should have known better.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...WHAT WOULD DONNY MACLEOD SAY?
OIK'S DRAMA set in local kids radio station called Radio Phoenix and written in part by FRENCH and SAUNDERS. TVS logo turned into VU meters at the beginning. Everyone else turned off.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...IBA RECEIVED COMPLAINTS FROM PEOPLE TRYING TO TUNE IN TO THE STATION. GUH.
CRAVAT-SPORTING CREEPERY of the yowser roisterer shafer-me-lad kind. Eponymous cad bore additional moniker Gentleman Thief like it was a profession, and, guess what, it was! ANTHONY "HORST" VALENTINE was the ultra-smooth Victorian vicompte with penchant for a suitably HAVERS-esque double life of rollicker (whizzo cricketer, A1 socialite) and rascal (light-fingered jewel thievery). CHRISTOPHER STRAULI was stooge Bunny Manders, while VICTOR CARIN was Befuddled Of The Yard.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."WHAT, RAFFLES? THAT HARMLESS OLD BOISTERER? NEVER!"
THE RAG TRADE
(1961-63, 1977-78)
BBC/LWT
EARDRUM-BATTERING COMEDY OF the working class woman from RONALDs WOLFE and CHESNEY. Miserly PETER "VOICE OF THE BOOK" JONES runs a clothing factory with a shopfloor redolent of CORONATION STREET's Baldwin Casuals. Laughter ensues when staff of seamstresses, amongst them MIRIAM KARLIN (all series), ESMA CANNON, SHEILA HANCOCK and BARBARA WINDSOR (BBC version), ANNA KAREN and GILLIAN TAYLFORTH (LWT version) decide to work to rule. Decible level alternated between the moderately high and the sheer fucking terrifying. Episodes always ended with all sides "pulling together" to avoid minor crisis of the tea-urn-exploding kind. REG VARNEY and CHRISTOPHER BEENY also turned up, while Olive from ON THE BUSES joined the staff during the LWT years.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."WELL, IT'S SATURDAY, AIN'T IT? SO WE'RE ON DOUBLE TIME"
RAGDOLLY ANNA
(MID 1980s)
YORKSHIRE
LITTLE-SEEN AND less-remembered stop motion toy triviality with various shelf-bound "adventures" culminating in...a list of the people who made it. Theme song, sadly, has survived: "Ragdolly Anna's fine and brown/Standing up and sitting down/Ragdolly Anna's fine and fat (!)/With a bunch of paper roses and a big straw hat."
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...AND THAT'S THAT
THE RAGGY DOLLS
(1988)
YORKSHIRE
MUCH LIKE the above, except with scores of 'em instead of the one. Crappy animated doodlings showcasing the "adventures" of a bunch of broken dolls and dismembered teddy bears, whose exploits were scarcely less substantial than their own innards. As with the above, the theme tune persists, petulantly: "Raggy dolls, raggy dolls, dolls like you and me/Raggy dolls, raggy dolls, made imperfectly/So if you're not at ease with your knobbly knees/Or your fingers are all thumbs/Just stand on your two left feet/And join our raggy doll chums/'Cause raggy dolls - RAGGY DOLLS - are happy just to beeeeeeee/Raggy dolls, raggy dolls, dolls like you and me."
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...NEIL INNES WAS THE MAN RESPONSIBLE, ON A CAREER DOWNWARD CURVE FROM THE RUTLES AND ...BOOK OF RECORDS, THROUGH PUDDLE LANE AND THIS, ALL THE WAY DOWN TO ROSIE AND JIM
TIDDLY POM! What would have been a forgettable songs/stories format with puppets was enlivened by presenters FRED HARRIS and MAGGIE HENDERSON singing "I Am A Mole And I Live In A Hole".
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...POM POM, PA-TIDDLY POM
THE RAILWAY CARRIAGE GAME
(MID 1980s)
BBC
WRETCHED WITLESS whimsical game show boasting a triumvirate the like of which could only have been dreamt of (in the most drink-addled of nightmares): host GYLES BRANDRETH plus team captains LENNIE BENNETT and STAN BOARDMAN. The "aim" was to act out a well-known Dingbats phrase or saying in a railway carriage (or similar tatty cardboard wobbly set) for the other team to guess. The reality was a pre-Six O'clock News purgatory that made you pray actively for the return of FAX.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...RUMOURS OF A RETURN AS POSSIBLE REPLACEMENT FOR THE CHANNEL-FIVE-BOUND NEIGHBOURS GREATLY EXAGERRATED
MEDIOCRE STUDENT T-shirt industry.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."NOW THEN ZIPPY, THAT WASN'T VERY NICE WAS IT?"
THE RAISING OF THE MARY ROSE
(1982)
BBC
DOES THE name BABCOCK POWER CONSTRUCTION ring a bell? It bloody well should. How many schools got the morning off doing Oxford Junior English or the dreaded SMP and were bundled off to the telly room for this slow-burning disappointment of a post-breakfast extravaganza? "But where's the sails?" "What's that yellow thing?" "Is that sodding it?" "Where's Sarah Greene?" A testament of the rotting powers of the Solent, to be sure.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...STILL BEING SPRAYED WITH THAT "SPECIAL SEALANT" IN A SHED IN PORTSMOUTH
RANDALL AND HOPKIRK (DECEASED)
(1969-70)
ITC
ACE DEAD detective capery with KENNETH COPE Rentaghosting about in a Martin Bell suit, and the hapless MIKE PRATT as his earthbound colleague. Fairly routine adventures enlivened by Marty H. appearing at inopportune moments, or failing to turn up at crucial ones to "blow" on things and outfox the three suited heavies. Vic 'n' Bob remake was rubbish.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...ANNETTE ANDRE WAS MRS HOPKIRK, FOREVER WONDERING WHY THOSE BITS OF FURNITURE KEPT FLOATING ROUND THE ROOM
THE RAT CATCHERS
(1966-67)
ASSOCIATED-REDIFFUSION
ORDINARY BLOKE (GLYN OWEN) gets coerced into working for sinister baldy with steel-rimmed specs (PHILIP STONE) whose boss is GERALD "KAMELION" FLOOD. All work in an office that doesn't exist in a department that was never there in a building that was never built. All had to defend Britain from notional rodents of the title.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...SIGNATURE TUNE PLAYED OVER FOOTAGE OF MAIN CHARACTERS IN DIFFERENT CARS ON A MOTORWAY, ALL GAWPING AT EACH OTHER
FRITTERSOME FIVE-MINUTER about a group of rats living in the skirting board created by Laura Milligan and which achieved moments of greatness via a voiceover of inspired confusion from her dad, Spike. Tales unfolded of said Ratties (as the Milligan-rapped theme informed us: "There's one called Tatty/And Auntie Hat-Hat-Hattie/There's two called Fatty/And Uncle Mat-Mat-Matty"), in an extremely shambolic fashion.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...NOW EXTERMINATED
ALL YOUR usual HTV nonsense - mystical legends, wind-swept hillsides, Merlin-esque menace, kids with ill-kempt hair, ecological prattling - get nicked by LEW GRADE for ATV and done on the cheap on a video camera. PHIL DANIELS was your eponymous ex-Borstal tyke of the "tough but vulnerable" school, who gets adopted by Seymour off of LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE and his wife PATSY ROWLANDS. Together they try and save some caves which the Nasty Government wants to fill with nuclear waste.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...ALSO PRESENT: THE POMPOUS LOCAL VICAR, THE CYNICAL HACK, THE SNOOTY RELATIVE, THE ATTRACTIVE FEMALE CUB REPORTER
DEFINITIVE TAKE on the telly Western, with unabashed celebration of good ol' Stars'n'Stripes to the fore, and less about them Injums if you please. Frankie Laine-voiced "Keep ‘em doggies rollin'" foghorn of a theme raised the curtain on seemingly endless attempt by mid-1860s cattle drovers to, well, drove a load of cows from Texas up to Missouri before lip-smacking speculators from Tha' Darn Railroad Company put them out of business. CLINT EASTWOOD, ERIC FLEMING and I-was-told-this-was-going-to-be-all-back-projection CHARLES GRAY dodged the tumbleweed.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...NEVER ACTUALLY DELIVERED THE COWS EITHER
RAZZMATAZZ
(1981-87)
TYNE TEES
COMMERCIAL CHIP off the CHEGGERS block. Best remembered for "Rah! Rah! Rah!" theme and LISA STANSFIELD debuting as juvenile presenter. Other culprits included sub-DLT bearded compere ALISTAIR "BMX BEAT" PIRRIE, and BREAKFAST TIME Teenage Correspondent ZOE "OLD MAN OF HOY" BROWN. Recurrent irritant - the Peggy Babcock game, wherein ver kids would have to say this tongue twister three times in order to win a copy of Into The Gap by The Thompson Twins and Grandstand Firefox.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."AND NOW, IT'S TEARS FOR FEARS!"
READY, STEADY, GO!
(1963-66)
ASSOCIATED-REDIFFUSION
WHAT RICHARD O'SULLIVAN was to Friday night telly in the 80s. Call-to-arms curtain-raiser for the weekend and ubiquitous front room appointment-to-view, helmed by KEITH FORDYCE, MICHAEL ALDRED and a big star in the 60s and an ever bigger star in the, er, CATHY MCGOWAN. What your school disco would've been like without teachers present. Much hyped exaggerated 60s swingingness and "hey there!" shambolic presenter style would go on to define all pop shows for evermore. The Beatles appeared, as did Glenda Collins and The Orchids. Got axed just as British rock was on a roll. For some reason Dave Clark (of the Dave Clark Five) ended up owning the rights, re-packaging what highlights remained in the archive as a series of compilation shows bundled out on Channel 4 in the 1980s...to an assuredly far greater audience than the one which saw it the first time round.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."GIVE IT UP, IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND, FOR BOBBY SHAFTO!"
FORMER TOMORROW'S WORLDLING MICHAEL "SCREEN TEST" RODD defected to link up with SUE JAY to front ITV's typically flashier rival pop science wrap-up, noted for periodic gimmickry, most memorably early 3D experiment, utilising free glasses given away with TV Times which inevitably sold out and left you having to watch hopeless 3D western Fort Ti and endearingly rubbish "things flying at the screen" melange of decidely ropey effects with some Quality Street wrappers sellotaped to your face. Later "Smell-o-Vision" ruse less of a success, and Rodd was soon relegated to the wilds of the OPEN COLLEGE.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."NOW HERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN ALL TRY AT HOME - EVEN GRAN!"
THE RECORD BREAKERS
(1972-2002)
BBC
LONG-RUNNING PROMOTIONAL campaign for the Guinness family and, for most of its existence, the only place you'd see 80-year-olds on children's telly. ROY "OOPS! ANOTHER SOFT CENTRE!" CASTLE was your tapping, trumpetty host, with NORRIS (and, originally, IRA murder victim twin brother ROSS) McWHIRTER as the Book-compiling know-it-all foil. Never-changing menu: sketches, reports, McWhirter-retention testing "Norris on the Spot" round (which always went: ROY:"Have you got a question for Norris?" KID:"What's the biggest fish?" NOZZA:"Well, I can't tell you that, but I can tell you that there's a leopard in Africa that can run faster than a motorcycle") and closing performance of Castle's "Dedication", replete with parping jazz tapestries of sound. Everything linked by twangy-ruler sound and pop art animated stings. Numerous obsessions included Precious MacKenzie (miniscule car-lifter), that Rhodesian bus that bent in the middle, and endless domino toppling attempts in a Japanese warehouse (Cue Roy: "The next morning the team returned to a horrific sight. All the stacking they had done the day before had collapsed due to a small earthquake in the area. Japan is noted for its frequent earth tremors...") with waterfalls, rockets, Mona Lisa reproductions etc. Roy essayed numerous record breaking attempts of his own, including wing-walking across the English Channel (eh?), throwing himself off the top of Blackpool Tower and hoofing around Television Centre (see THE ALL-STAR RECORD BREAKERS). Show went downhill the minute assistants and sidekicks started showing up, including FIONA KENNEDY, MARK CURRY, CHERYL BAKER, KRIS AKABUSI and worse of all RON REAGAN JUNIOR, the Gipper's very own son. Death knell sounded in 1998 when another moaning athlete took over and immediately insisted it be rebranded - for shame! - Linford's Record Breakers.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."THE WHOLE SPORTING WORLD WOULD APPLAUD IT/THE MCWHIRTERS, HMMMM, THEY WOULD RECORD IT"
THE RED HAND GANG
(1977-78)
NBC
OVERLIT OVERLOUD American kidaventures starring five urban under-12s who separated out into the usual archetypes: leader, troublemaker, brainiac, token girl, token little kid who can't yet stand up on a skateboard. Took it upon themselves to solve local mysteries and minor criminal goings-on in their "neighbourhood". Leaping up into the air for title sequence freeze frame frenzy: J.R. MILLER (as J.R. - note to casting director: must try harder), JOLIE NEWMAN (Joanne - hmm, sounds a bit like Jolie to us), MATTHEW LABORTEAUX (Frankie - that's better), JOHN BROGNA (Li'l Bill) and the absurd JAMES BOND III (Doc).
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...ALTOGETHER: LA LA LA, LA *LA* LA; LALALALA LA LA LA LA...
REILLY, ACE OF SPIES
(1983)
THAMES
TRUE-LIFE ESPIONAGE yarn adapted for the small screen by masterful TROY "EDGE OF..." KENNEDY MARTIN. Eponymous "ace" (SAM NEILL) is planted inside newly-Revolutionised Russia by UK Whitehall toff Major Fothergill (PETER "DECREASING" EGAN) to sabotage best laid plans of Bolshie bastards. Lenin (KENNETH "LOOT" CRANHAM) and Stalin (DAVID "DR. WATSON MK. I" BURKE) not best pleased.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...DAVID SUCHET ALSO LOOKED IN AS "INSPECTOR TSIENTSIN"
RELATIVE STRANGERS
(1985-87)
CHANNEL 4
HIRSUTE NON-HYSTERICS from MATTHEW KELLY back in his post-LAUGH, pre-STARS wilderness years. Our man plays Fitz, a chain-smoking alcoholic gambling criminologist who is working undercover in a sitcom as a wacky cafe owner who finds out, HOME TO ROOST-style, that he has a wayward teenage son (MARK FARMER). Spun off from HOLDING THE FORT. Premise spun out beyond recognition.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...A MAURICE/GRANATHON
REMINGTON STEELE
(1983-87)
MTM
DITZY WOMAN names detective agency after a bloke that doesn't exist then find she needs to put a face to the name, so she opts for - obviously - con-man PIERCE "TOO BUSY TO DO BOND AT THE MOMENT" BROSNAN. Episodes boasted titles of such staggering inventiveness as 'Steele Crazy After All These Years' and 'Thou Shalt Not Steele'.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...STEELE SHIT
DALLAS FOR primary schools, in that it ran and ran and ran, everybody ended up bored with it, nobody could remember why it had started in the first place, and the whole thing was never less than stupendously preposterous. Original premise involved ghosts back from the spirit world to make amends for failures in their previous lives, and boasted the likes of Victorian dandy Hubert Davenport (MICHAEL DARBYSHIRE) and modern day doesn't-want-parents-to-find-out-he's-a-ghost-dilemma Fred Mumford (ANTHONY JACKSON). Presence, however, of bearded tri-corner-hatted gurning minstrel Timothy Claypole (MICHAEL STANIFORTH) hinted at the decline soon to come. Sure enough, as year followed year, all decent storytelling vanished in the onset of joyless japery, courtesy of dopey neighbours Rose and Arthur Perkins, the most unconvincing pantomime horse in the world, MOLLY WEIR (as a Scottish witch), CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS (as himself as camp furniture dealer Adam Painting) and Audrey from Coronation Street (as a Dutch hay-fever sufferer). Eventually "sneezed" off for good when Michael Grade said 'tis done.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...SPOOKS, GHOULS, FREAKS AND FOOLS, THE LOT OF 'EM
RETURN TO EDEN
(1984)
HANNA-BARBERA
YES, YOU read that right: Will and Joe venture into live action, but this appalling Antipodean Dynasty rip-off was no Banana Splits. Derided mini-series best known for REBECCA GILLING fighting an obviously rubber crocodile in a billabong.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...BACK TO STOP THE PIGEON, FELLAS
GLAM SVENGALI MICKIE MOST produced this punk-pop show, notably fronted by a (as usual) glum bastard PETER COOK laughably pretending to be the manager of the venue it was set in. Co-host, mingling with studio audience, was ROY HARPER. Consisted of C-list punkites (999, Anti-Pasti) interspersed with Cook rambling on and moaning at the pogoing fools and what a selection of "new wave" dances were on offer. Mostly, however, he just looked sumpremely aloof and hateful, from a massive chromakeyed "television set" high above the proles (the flaps on the screen "revolved" to reveal his superimposed face for each link, hence the show's name).
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...MISERABLISM
RHUBARB RHUBARB
(1970)
ABPC/AVALON
IN THE tradition of THE PLANK, this was also written and directed by the redoubtable ERIC SYKES. Semi-silent shenanigans with all intelligible dialogue replaced by the word "rhubarb". HARRY SECOMBE, HATTIE JACQUES, JIMMY EDWARDS (again) were involved, as was God, in this tale of villagers and a golf course.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...REMADE FOR THAMES IN 1980
RICHARD STILGOE SHOW, THE
(1988)
THAMES
NOW THERE'S a title to toy with. We haven't heard much from Mr Music for a while, so it's with great whimsical pleasure that we offer you up this one-off sorbet of skittery, wherein our hero tunefully jousts with PETER SKELLERN and MAUREEN LIPMAN about, presumably, glasnost, Oliver North and NEIGHBOURS.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."SONNY BONO HAS JUST BEEN ELECTED MAYOR OF PALM SPRINGS. HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH MIGHT SOUND SOMETHING...LIKE THIS..."
RUN-OF-THE-MILL CIRCUS clownery with veteran wig-side-flap-raiser CHARLIE CAIROLI and his troupe doing the sort of stuff that would soon be visible only on BILLY SMART'S EASTER CIRCUS, and eventually, thankfully, nowhere on TV at all.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."SHALL I, CHEEELDREN?" NO.
RIGHT TO REPLY
(1982-2001)
CHANNEL 4
FETED - AND ultimately fated - come-and-have-a-go drop-in centre for viewers seeking to take programme-makers "to task". Licensed whingeathon and nit-pickery that squatted on Saturday nights for ages until being shoved up against CORONATION STREET by way of a death sentence. Notoriously predicated towards featuring shouty point-scoring campaigners or camera-shy housewives, it didn't really take off in the national psyche until the arrival of the Video Box in the mid-80s: passport photo-esque booths with cameras inside dotted around the country, which you could pop into and leave your comments for the TV suits. Cue hesitant pleas from gawky loners, protracted rants from pensioners, swearing and pretend rapping from kids, and "humorous" celebrity cameos from the likes of ALEXEI SAYLE and, er, JEREMY ISAACS. GUS MACDONALD was your first and most boring host, later succeeded by BRIAN HAYES (avuncular), SHEENA MACDONALD (blousy) and ROGER BOLTON (pompous). In its dying days it became a dreadful stamping ground for media student wannabes fronting WATCHDOG-esque "exposes" on the inadequacies of Avid edit suites and such like. Cursed by a stream of inconsistent theme tunes, including one sounding like a man with a suitcase full of bricks tumbling slowly down a staircase. Famously the only programme ever produced by Channel 4 itself. Then they axed it. Boo!
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."COMING UP: A VIEWER ASKS WHY THERE AREN'T ENOUGH ALBINOS ON PRIMETIME TELEVISION"
RINGS ON THEIR FINGERS
(1978-80)
BBC
DIANE KEEN and MARTIN JARVIS are a clean-cut coupla young aw-gee-shucks-now lovebirds for whom nuptials are on the cards - "along with some unexpected hiccups - and lots of laughs!" BARBARA LOTT, JOHN HARVEY, MARGARET COURTENAY and KEITH MARSH are the respective parents.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."BUT MOTHER'S COMING ON SATURDAY!"
RIPCORD
(1964-65)
UNITED ARTISTS
BONKERS CRIME serial featuring Quick Yankee Ted McKeever (LARRY PENNELL) and Slow Southerner Jim Buckley (KEN CURTIS) as best buddy crook-catchers employing parachutes instead of guns and car-chases to catch quarry. With staggering results. Noting that bad guys invariably, and perhaps understandably, covered flanks, sides, but never immediate space above their heads, the pair cleaned up their respective neighbourhood and cashed in mountains of booty to form Ripcord, Inc. Henceforth, whenever Buckley was cornered by another escaped convict, McKeever would sneak 5,000 feet up, fall out of a plane and land precisely on top of the firearm-wielding marauder. McKeever tended to get kidnapped a lot, but this was OK as he was always imprisoned in a huge open ravine or a house with no roof. Only a handful of episodes were ever made, but got repeated forever through 60s and 70s. Earns extra points for throwaway running gag concerning division of household chores: McKeever: "Think of a number between 1 and 10." Buckley: "Um…5". McKeever: "No, 17. I cheat." And then: Buckley: "Think of a number between 1 and 10." McKeever: "23". Buckley: "Hey, how did you guess…?"
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."RIPCORD...CUT!"
PALIN-JONES BRAINSTORMERY brilliance. Wrestling the school bear, getting nailed to the wall, "But I am standing up!", "She's having a fling!", Roy Kinnear, "But I shot Dora! "No, I shot Dora!", Denholm Elliott, "Eight bloody one!", "It's too early for the Germans to start the war", "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to kill myself", Joan Sanderson, John Le Mesurier. Stunning stuff.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."THEY'D EVEN TAKEN THE OUTSIDE TOILET"
RISING DAMP
(1974-78)
YORKSHIRE
THAT KNACKERED-SOUNDING piano theme was your welcome into...LEONARD ROSSITER in skanky clothes, the skeleton in the corner, RICHARD BECKINSALE, that knackered old door, DON WARRINGTON as supposed African King's son or something, "I knew it! I knew it! Bloody communists!", "At least you still like me, don't you, Vienna?", FRANCES DE LA TOUR powdering her nose, FRANCES DE LA TOUR entertaining a posh friend who a) if female, Richard and Don fancy, b) if male Len is jealous of, and everybody ganging together to fool Rigsby into thinking the house is haunted. Every bloody week.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."MYYYYYYYY GH-OOOOOOOD!"
JOHN GODBER penned this adaptation of one of his "hilarious" Hull Truck Company stage plays, Bouncers. Art Deco-style opening titles and 'Putting On The Ritz' theme belied the studio-bound crumbiness.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...GAVE RISE TO REGRETTABLE SPIN-OFF "THE CONTINENTAL" SET, WOULD YOU BELIEVE, ON THE CONTINENT
BLIMEY. ABSOLUTE premier division fuck-wittery chronicling life in make believe rural fleapit Chumley-on-the-Water and starring a permanently winded DAVID ESSEX as lairy lock-keeper Davey Jackson. Here was a frightening glimpse into the wanky future worlds so beloved of RICHARD "TWAT" CURTIS, peopled by tanked landlords, raging crones, naive waifs and lecherous sloanes. You watched, but only cos you were waiting to see Dave fall in.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...WASN'T EVEN SET ON A FUCKING RIVER
CAR MAINTENANCE series set in what was supposedly a (curiously studio-like) garage.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...JUDITH HANN RUMOURED TO BE INVOLVED
ROBERT'S ROBOTS
(1973-74)
THAMES
BOB "RENTAGHOST" BLOCK-scripted sci-fi weirdoid adventures of Robert Sommerby (JOHN CLIVE), a James Burke type bloke with frizzy hair, who built robots (in the way that telly inventors do, for no apparent reason). The big, strong, incredibly dim-witted one (BRIAN COBURN) was called KT, thereby providing lots of chances for Robert's girlfriend to think he was having an affair with someone called Katy. There was also Eric (NIGEL PEGRAM) - slim, blonde-haired and very clever. KT's catchphrase:"I like it Mr. Sommerby...I like it!". One episode involved Eric being hit by a car, losting his memory and going to see a doctor who found he could look straight through Eric's head when he examined his ears. Also present: obligatory "comedy" animal (see Dobbin in RENTAGHOST), in this case Blabberbeak, a talking parrot.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
...OTHER ROBOTS INCLUDED DESIREE (THE GLAMOROUS ONE), PLUMMER (THE DIY ONE) AND GIMBLE (THE GIMP)
ROBIN OF SHERWOOD
(1984-86)
HTV
NOTTINGHAMSHIRE NONNIER jazzed up with "mystical" overtones. To wit, Rob's now the son of Herne the Hunter and is played by long-haired softly-spoken MICHAEL PRAED, prone to disappearing into glades and dwells in a swirl of mist and Clannad. Later regenerated into JASON CONNERY and turned crap.
TV CREAM immortality rating -
..."ROOOOOOO-BIN...ROOOOOO-BIN...THE HOODED MAN"
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