THE ADVENT CROWD

DOES your granny always tell you that the old songs are the best? Then she's up and rock and rolling with the rest? Erm, not really, Noddy, usually she just wants to watch the All Creatures Great And Small Christmas episode with a small dry sherry. But back then, when Slade were still aflame, Christmas Day telly was something a bit special - so special you'd have had it all planned three weeks before, using a big red marker pen, and the bumper double Christmas editions of the Radio Times and TV Times (you had to buy both! Madness!) Both featured page upon page of small-screen stars in yuletide garb - The Two Ronnies pulling a big cracker, Brucie and Anthea in Santa outfits, Mike Yarwood in panto get-up (with a Harold Wilson/Tony Benn pipe). In between those festive programmes, viewers would be confronted with those special festive idents - usually the BBC1 globe turned into a Christmas pud with some holly on the top. Lovely. So settle back with a family-sized tin of Quality Street ("All the fun of the share!"), a Rover biscuit assortment (pink wafers "out of bounds"), or, for the really unlucky, a box of Meltis Newberry Fruits, and enjoy the best of Yuletide Cream. It's Christmas time. There's no need to be afraid...

Settle down with the Meltis Newberry Fruits as we present TVC'S ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS DAY SCHEDULE