I know it's the thought that counts, but...
Yayyy! Bad presents!

Hiya! Billie here again.

I was thinking the other day, and I thought, "What would the worst gift be that I can imagine getting?" And I decided that the very worst present I can think of ever getting would be a big box full of eyeballs, with all the optic nerves hanging off the back. Then I wondered what some of my friends' worst presents would be. So I rang them up and asked them, "What would be the worst present you can think of getting, for your birthday or Christmas, perhaps?" This is what they said:

Jay Kay: "I'd hate to get a bunch of keys, but with no indication of what doors they open. That's the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night."
Bill Bryson:"If I got a... a parcel.. and it was full of sticky buds, and they got all over my jumper. I'd look pretty dumb then, huh?"
Dave Stewart: "It would have to be a big chest full of ducats, and crowns and jewellery and big diamonds. Even more wealth to add to my own - unbearable. I'd rather have a crust of dry bread - really I would."
Polly Toynbee: "Guts."
Ted Danson: "I guess the worst Christmas present I could have would be a... well, when I opened it... there'd be a couple of layers of paper, you know? But then when I get to the last layer, there's a box... and I open that... and there's this monkey's head. And it's just staring at me! But... get this... it's lips are moving, as if it's trying to speak! Jeez! What? What's it saying? Oh, I don't know - what difference does that make anyhow?'
Adam Woodyatt: "Errrrrm ... one of those glass bubbles with a forest scene inside, and you shake it and there's blizzard .. a snowstorm, yeah. Why? Oh, just I've got about twenty already. And space on my mantlepiece is at a premium at the moment! [laughs]"
Log: "Those fridge magnets shaped like letters. Won't have them in the house. What if you came down to breakfast one morning, and found that a ghost had re-arranged them to spell out a scary message? Brrr. I'm the same with alphabetti spaghetti."
Dave Green:"The worst Christmas present I could get? Windows 2000. Can you imagine?"
Bill Giles: "Oh, I've had some terrible presents in the past! But the worst thing I could get would have to be a load of cysts packed really tightly into a box!"
Dame Judi Dench: "Ah... the worst Christmas present? Definitely a tin box full of dead tadpoles, all floating in about two inches of grease. Yes, that'd be it."
Donna Air: "One of those massive wooden horses full of soldiers, probably. Unless it was wrapped nicely."
Ralf Little: "Oh, I'll eat anything, me."

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