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YOU WANT CHEAP BOOKS OVER THE INTERNET? You swine! But this time you will not escape so easily, as the Booth of the Monk Club™ is happy to present to you the latest calfskin-clad popular offerings, if not in time for Christmas then at least in time for something, yes, yes? Everybody loves books, even the illiterate who have the levellest tables in Christendom ("Green, it was!") So what better way to spread the Word of Christ than by offering a dodgy discount online shopping service for various remaindered and flood damaged ex-Waterstone's stock? None better! Browse at your leisure, but remember - God hates non-credit card holders. He bloodydoes! Dominicium aquiscat urum bors. And alla that. Seen?

DOCTOR WHO NOVELISATION OF THE MINUTE!

Does anyone remember Doctor Who? Hee hee! MonkBooth.com, in loose association with Target Discontinued Paperbacks, now bring you the complete Doctor Who adventures in full-on, easily digestible, cheaply printed Terrancedicksovision. Every minute of every day we bung a new batch down the chute for your flimsy credit card to gulp up. Here's an example (refresh the page for another selection) -

Target Paperbacks : RRP 25p . MonkPrice 24p!!!

WALKING ALONGSIDE SOME CATS

A lavishly illustrated accompaniment to the BBC series of the same name. Read about the painstaking work undertaken by a team of experts using computer witchcraft to reconstruct dozens of now-extinct cats from 1977. Suitable for all ages, but readers above the age of eleven may find themselves laughing as much at it as with it.

BBC Books : RRP £35.95 . MonkPrice £5!!!

NOODLE DOODLE'S BRAKE AND TYRE CENTRE

"Hi, I'm Noodle, please to enter
My busy brake and tyre centre!"

You've been eating him for years, now read of his adventures! Small children will adore this enchanting introduction to the busy world of Noodle Doodle, the South African spaghetti sculptor who now runs his own repair garage! Not suitable.

"I fix the cars, their brakes and lights,
Working round the clock!
I'm available in a variety of attractive whites,
Like Rod Stewart's cock!"

FOCK MINT Board Books : £5.50 . MonkPrice £2!!!

AFTER CHALKY by Jim Davidson

A frank and moving account of 'Nick Nick's '90s enlightenment, provocatively written by Jim himself, or more likely a man from the News Of the World.
"It was in late 1988, when I was at the height of my drink career, that the realisation came. I was entertaining all my Black Friends, sat around a big table in London's Cockneyest of pubs, doing my 'Chalky' character. They were laughing like troopers, when suddenly, at the stroke of midnight, they stopped. I asked them what was wrong. "I don't know," said BF#23, "it's just... not funny now." It was then that I realised my way forward was to leave all that old crap behind me, and host a game show with some washed-up snooker players. I've never looked back!"

Smethurst Press : £15.99 . MonkPrice £0.02!!!

THE BIG BASTARD TV BOOK!!!

Print version of the internet phenomenon of the week! Scathing and satirical, with lots of swearing.

"Johnny Vaughan. God, he's a wanker, isn't he? I'd laugh if he died, and I'm not just saying that. Wanker!"

Bockstry Publications : £5.99 . MonkPrice £6!!!

ALL PRICES CORRECT AT TIME OF MAKING THEM UP. ORDERS ABOVE £50 ARE SUBJECT TO CANCELLATION WITHOUT REFUND AT ANY TIME. THANK YOU FOR TRAVELLING AIR NEGUS, HAVE A PLEASANT AFTERNOON. SUCKER!

...back to Gorilla Salad...