The New Biology

Scientists know for certain that there are somewhere between 3 and 27 million undiscovered species of flora and fauna on Spaceship Earth, and so hundreds of entirely new species are discovered and classified by busy biologists every day. Naturally, there isn't enough room in conventional newspapers to publicise all of these fascinating discoveries, so The New Biology aims to bring you details of the latest incredible animals as they hit the cutting edge of knowledge.

Nostradamoose!

A kind of soothsayer. With antlers!

RPG Toby Mug!

Very angry.

Puppy Long Legs!

Almost too sweet to bear.

Town-Fistipus!

It's an urban hand-octopus.

Chuckleback !

Clumsy, good-for-nothing, but essentially well-meaning spiny fish.

Peanut Duck!

"A fear-some mishe-mashe of plante and fowle."

Sex Worm !

These worms have only one thing on their minds - but at least they're honest.

Hydro-jizzer!

These slimy fish-things will have your face off soon as look at you.

Taxi-bear!

These ursine cabbies have an unerring sense of direction.

Horsespider! Imagine the damage and mayhem that a horse could do with four extra hooves. Add a 'web-slinging' ability, and you have one of the most dangerous creatures known to science.

Sugar-glider!

Flying marsupial creatures with a sweet tooth.

Sewerlamb!

These tiny cuties cower in filth and excrement miles beneath your feet.

Palm Beast!

Get down from there! Those are no coco-nuts.

Puppy-dog-man!

As enigmatic as they are cute, when will science uncover the secrets of the puppy-dog man?

Whisky Child !

Whisky Children, like Teflon, are a product of the Space Race.

Tummy-rat!

Do tummy-rats have tiny tummy-men living on their tummies? Of course not.

Seapig!

Saltwater swine.

 

 

These reports coming one day from scientists in the field: Attic-hogs, Chicken-hens, Dancehall-pirates, and Graffiti-ants