| The New Biology: Puppy Long Legs! |
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Young Tommy Bolt climbs the ladder to seek the wisdom of the Puppy Long Legs. This Puppy Long Legs is worth $50; such humble self-deprecation is typical of the breed. |
#573 - Puppy Long Legs! (hyperlimbus canis juvenilis) Number of legs: 6. Appearance: The Puppy Long Legs has the head of a puppy, and six 30ft long legs, which are thinner than a human hair. The Puppy sways to and fro, requiring people run from side to side with a mattress, never realising that a second mattress would make life easier for everyone. Distinctive Cries: The Puppy Long Legs can only say "Puppy Long Legs". And it was around ages before Pokemon, which it hates. In The Wild: The Puppy Long Legs is a highly trusting creature, and prone to getting in with the wrong crowd. He just wants to be liked! In 1976, some schoolboy wolves taught the Puppy Long Legs to swear, using anagrams of its name. However, they became quickly bored when they realised that the rudest words you can make out of Puppy Long Legs are "Ploppy" and "Pope's Lung". Habitat : The Puppy Long Legs is born in a room. Unfortunately, the Puppy Long Legs is also as big as a room, and can therefore never feasibly leave the room in which it is born. It can, however, poke a useless, spindly leg out of the letterbox to wave at people on the bus. Diet: The Puppy Long Legs can survive on nothing at all - that's right, it sucks the very dust out of the air, where enzymes turn it into chicken sandwiches. It then coughs up the sandwiches to take the cucumber out, as it does not like cucumbers. |
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Potential
Source Of Cruel Entertainment: Running around in circles and shouting
"Hello!" under the Puppy Long Legs will cause it to turn around, looking
at you and panting eagerly for playtime. Meanwhile, its legs are twining
like a living maypole! It's not worth trying to undo the legs - simply
pull them off and put a bolt into the head.
Gaming Use :Wearing the Puppy Long Legs as a highly unstable head-dress will add 20% to your hit points, and may distract your opponent with its hypnotic attempts to correct itself. |
Reproduction: Puppy Long Legses, being born in seperate rooms around the world, and never getting to meet each other, rely upon the postal service to carry their sperm around for them, which is as big as sticky golf balls, and makes a terrible noise like a wakening god when it is coming out. There is no gestation period - the baby simply drops out and starts to cry. Relationship with man: Men seek the wisdom of the Puppy Long Legs in its shabbily decorated room. Its flittering, feathery legs bristle against the skin and catch the eyelashes in a parody of a caress that leaves the human blinking uncomfortably for twenty seconds. The man, seeing his own reflection in the shiny sad eyes and the wet miserable nose of the creature, will leave the room and hug the first person he sees, and tell them that he loves them. |
