#37098 - Puppy-dog-man! (homo canus canus)

Every so often mountain scientists find the frozen remains of puppy-dog-men. Like men, but with slightly squashed black noses, and curled up black claws where their fingers should be! Where do these mysterious but adorable creatures come from? Why have we never found a live puppy-dog-man? And are they really 'creatures' given the fact that they're often found wearing clothes?

Number of legs: 4

Size: Man-size. Bigger than Benji, a lot smaller than Digby.

Habitat: Up cold mountains. The mystery is, they seem not to have adapted to the cold at all, which is why they're always dead. Why don't they live in warmer parts? The only conclusion must be that the puppy-dog-men are idiots.

Social grouping: Despite no evidence to back the theory up, it's generally agreed that puppy-dog-men are segregated into two distinct groups. One group is almost certainly peace-loving and artistic, with sing-song voices and some sort of pipe music. It seems probable that the other group mainly wears leather, and are vicious and war-like, with no artistic pursuits at all. Their voices are much gruffer, and they are less democratic. They give the peaceful puppy-dog-men hell!

Diet: Despite the man's-best-friend reputation, it seems likely they eat human flesh, before stealing their unfortunate victims' clothing. Puppy-dog-men have, without exception, been found where mountaineers have disappeared. USUALLY WEARING THE VERY SAME CLOTHES! Mountain scientists find that sinister.

Reproduction: Doggy-style, presumably. Brian Blessed leeringly claims to have seen Puppy-dog-men-and-women having sex on one of his trips up a mountain, but of course nobody believes him. The puppy-dog-man pups must be the cuteist, with shiny eyes and wet noses.