Who is Charlotte Raven?

 

Charlotte Raven is a journalist. She writes a weekly column for The Guardian newspaper. Her picture appears at the top of the column, as well as her name: Charlotte Raven. Her column concerns things that she has seen and has been thinking about in the week that has passed since she wrote her last column. Here is her column for 8th January 2000.

These so-called 'politicians' haven't got a clue. I was reading the paper the other day, and it was full of all this stuff about all the poor terrible Russian children with no shoes and that. It's awful - really awful. The poor little mites are starving, and they have no shoes on their feet. And do you know what? Nobody cares. Not even their parents - goodness knows where they are. Anyway, while all these 'politicians' are bleating about internets and Pinochet, the poor 'shoeless' Russian children are going hungry. Remind me again - what were we voting for?

* * *

Seventy five years. Can you believe it? I certainly can't. It seems like only yesterday, but there have been seventy five glorious years, without which I'm sure we'd all be much worse off. So - three cheers, I say. Hip, hip... Hooray!

* * *

I'm not one for political correctness - I like to call a spade a spade. But even I was amazed to see the latest craziness to come from the power-mad Euro-Bureaucrats of Brussels. Apparently, we aren't allowed to call them 'onions' any more. That's right - we have to call them something else. It makes the blood boil, it really does.

* * *

I don't believe in ghosts. I don't. It's just not scientific.

* * *

This Red Ken London Mayor business is getting out of hand. One minute we're supposed to be voting for one person, and the next minute it's someone else. I can't keep track. I liked that Jeffrey Archer - he wore half-moon glasses like I do. I asked them for a new picture at the top of the column last week, but I don't think they've got hold of one yet. It is going to be me chewing on the end of a pen, looking at the camera over my half-moon glasses. Maybe I could have a male model behind me, painting the wall or something. Wouldn't that be just typical?

Anyway, I shan't be voting for any mayor. As far as I'm concerned the last thing we need is another person bossing us all around and telling us not to walk here, and not to wear that and not to speak to him. I have enough of that already. Only the other day this lovely young man in a policeman's uniform told me not to park where I wanted to! You couldn't make it up.

* * *

Have you been watching television lately? Have you seen that programme with that man? You know - the one with beard? And there's all these people who come on and pretend to be pop stars and what-have-you? It's dreadful. I can't believe they allow it on air. Honestly.

* * *

No, but *men*. Ooohhh!!

Now I know who Charlotte Raven is, I WANT MY MASK!!

back to Gorilla Salad