(I may or may not have all of this episode transcripted due to the fact that my VCR kicked off all early)

Episode ??? - ? The Cribuffs ? (???)

Written by Spooky Festesten Directed by Andi Askerman ========================================================================

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[sound of someone playing an annoying rhythm on teaspoons and a popping Pringles lid]

JERRY: Y'know, what really bugs me is Christmas shopping. I mean, you walk along miles of shops, and like you never buy anything, right? [laughs] I mean, they should like, i mean, they should like, i mean, they should like, i mean, they should like I mean I mean have some like sort of like really long supermarket and make like Bill Clinton do his shopping and then and like and like he wouldn't be so, like, i mean, fat! [gales of laughter]

MAN IN AUDIENCE: It's funny 'cos it's true!

JERRY: I mean, they should like, i mean i mean, I'm doing my shopping this year in Art Finkelman's basement, i mean I mean! [hilarity, ruckus, mass stabbings]

[Level 42 bas kicks in Booooooooooi-doing! Bing! Ding! Badaddading! Pop! Pop!]

[Kramer bursts through door in slidey socks]

KRAMER: Jerry! You gots ta help me! My ex is in town!

ELAINE: Ah, Kramer, it's been so long. [Sniff!]

KRAMER: *Sure* I can't interest anyone in my Seinfeld Tekken'em up idea? It's got legs! [laugh]

ELAINE: *I'm* sure.

JERRY: Ooh Baby doll. Uh, its the chicken-and-the-egg.

KRAMER: She thinks eggs came first... she hadda go!

(George walks in)

GEORGE: That's ridiculous. That's what I said. Gee, I'll always be a stableboy.

KRAMER: Hey, listen, so well meet you later. I am looking good, too. I have a nice, clean shirt on. I'm wearing your jacket.

JERRY: Wait a minute. Wait a second. My jacket I wore that in front of George and that girl ?

ELAINE Oh, God.

GEORGE Good afternoon.

(George starts to leave)

(Cribuffs knocks and walks on in)

CRIBUFFS: ARSE IT! A blind man has just arrived. Sorry.(He's talking about himself)

KRAMER: I knew you would. (they hug passionately)

CRIBUFFS: Ohh CAR WASHER (receiving money) Thanks a lot. I didn't think I'd come back.

KRAMER: This is my pal, Cribuffs. Jerry, George, Elaine (KRAMER points)

CRIBUFFS: You! Friday afternoon. I got it.

KRAMER: Absolutely. Uh, Jerry, let me see if I borrow your jacket

JERRY: Oh. No. You've got em all.

ELAINE Hello. Youre pushing your luck little man.(punchs Jerry's shoulder)

(In the Restaurent, Jerry, George, Kramer, Cribuffs)

GEORGE: What you having?

JERRY: Well, if that's not that, what is that Cribuffs having?

CRIBUFFS: Medium turkey chili. I like history. Civil War. Maybe I could drop fliers from a plane above the city.

KRAMER: open up Cribuffs, I'll fix your teeth.

CRIBUFFS: You cant go in there, Kosmo stop brazenly flouting the rules.

KRAMER: Alright, (to waitess)And he gets the rest of my chicken.

CRIBUFFS: Guess what. Elaine, I'm really scared Elaine.

JERRY: There no need to be scared of Elaine.

CRIBUFFS: I know what, I just dont know, you guys.

GEORGE: He scared of Elaine. You're nothing You have some coffee.

CRIBUFFS: Okay, she non-voilence then.

KRAMER: Let's go play some pool.

CRIBUFFS: Resisting me?, Let me remind you that shes forcing HAIR, little by little up your nose, Jerry?J

JERRY: causing loud snoozing, I know.

(Kramer and Cribuffs get up to leave)

CRIBUFFS: Hey How about a talk show host.

JERRY Really George Why do you find it unbearable to be stopped,MD Crimbuffs.(both laughing)

(Kramer and Cribuffs have left)

JERRY: All right. Okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. Thats good.

GEORGE: I take you to be stopped, Crimbuffs

JERRY That guys makes quite a racket, seriously.

GEORGE Boy, I have really had it with that guy.

(Jerry atpartment)

ELAINE Yeah. No. Listen, George,

JERRY: I am Jerry. Anything's possible.

(Kramer slides in, holding a newspaper)

KRAMER: Okay.

JERRY: Wait a minute. It still smells Cribuffs (smelling Elaines hair) It still smells Cribuffs (smelling Elaines hair) [loud]

CRIBUFFSs: You know what I changed my mind. (tape stops)

(if you have the any more of this transcript mail: cribuffs@robiad.freeuk.com )

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