DAVROS SAYS: "After a hard day's scheming and inventing, there's little I despise more than sitting down - well, I'm already sitting down - anyway, settling down to watch a torrent of weak-minded dribble on my television (which, due to a hole in the space-time continuum in the Skaro sector largely originates from 'Earth', a dismal place that I will one day conquer). After a few attempts, one of my daleks will manage to press the 'on' control with it's highly specialised and superior sucker-arm, and the evening's torture will commence."

NEWS AND SPORT G/H
Davros says: "Ha! The news! It amazes me how these tiny-minded humans, with their laughable, spindly 'legs' and opposable thumbs prattle on as though their actions have some kind of significance in the universe. I'd like to see their news reports when my daleks invade 'Earth' and trundle down every street in every city - then they will know the meaning of news - it is the DALEK!"

WEATHER with Warren Beatty
Davros says: "They never cover Skaro, I don't know why. But they will."

LOOK EAST R/M
News about fields.
Davros says: "We should be able to get Central, which has better news and is altogether more dynamic. I had one of the Ogrons up on the roof of the bunker to adjust the aerial, but it wasn't as nimble as it's monkey-like appearance would suggest."

BLIND DATE I/R/A
Cilla 'don't touch me!' Black attempts to match appalling people up with other appalling people, to give the rest of us a better chance of finding a decent mate.
Davros says: "Ha... these foolish, weak contestants sicken me. I could build a race of far superior contestants that could win all game shows... take all prizes... take the girl to Venice... SPIN THE WHEEL! Look at them! Useless! All useless! Legs, there's no need for legs. Away with the legs, my contestants will float on air - compressed air. And two hands... the second hand is redundant. There will be a claw... or a sucker. It's unimportant. There can be no stopping my game show success progress. My contestants are the future. The prizes are mine! ALL MINE!"

BERGERAC F/O
Trouble for Jim Nettles as Liza Goddard goes on the rampage in St Helier with a length of copper pipe.
Davros says: "I find the theme to this quite stirring - dang dang DANG! wangy-dang-TWANG! - but this is also the time when I am fed my tea. Since this involves a Dalek with a special arm attachment squirting mushed-up rusks and Complan in the general direction of my face, the jaunty gyrations that the Bergerac theme inspires me to perform can result in quite a mess splattered across my filled-in eyes, and the gruel often becomestrapped within my jowl-creases. But my Dalek servants do not mock my comical visage because THEY KNOW THAT I, DAVROS, AM THEIR CREATOR, AND WITHOUT ME THEY WOULD - hang on, who's that dark-haired piece? She looks familiar..."

DOCTOR KILDARE T/Y
Richard Chamberlain is on a mission once more to collect 1960s girl juice for his own important research.
Davros says: "What's this? Doc-tor ... Doc-tor ... I didn't select this programme. Hm. Feel strangely perturbed."

DON'T WAIT UP U/G/O/D
Two doctors...
Davros says: "What??? Two Doctors?? There is only one doctor that could split into ... Arg!! The Doc-tor!! THAT meddling fool is at it again, disrupting my television reception with some kind of jury-rigged contraption! The white-haired, recorder-tooting, tattooed, curly-bonced, 'vulnerable', fat, short CUNT! Right, that's it, two can play at that game. I'm turning over."

THE YOUNG DOCTORS X
Alan Dale loses his Afro. He suspects...
Davros says: "TWAT!!!!"

THE FLYING DOCTORS L/Q/A/A
Still in his airborne closet, Shane from...
Davros says: "Fly-ing Doctors? Fly-ing Doctors? What fresh nuisance is this??!! Well, there will be no escape, Doc-tor, not even in the air. I shall create winged Daleks, or daleks with rotor-blades atop their impervious domes, and THEY WILL BE THE SUPREME BEINGS OF BOTH LAND AND AIR!!! AND SPACE!!! Yes. Fly all you like, Doc-tor. Fly all ... Eugh! They're showing an eye operation! Turn over! Quick - ohhh, I've knocked the remote off my console with my withered claw of a hand! Curses! Hold on ... intercom .. All units! All units! This is Davros. This is Davros. All units report to Davros' secret bunker for an important mission."

DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE R
Doctors galore!
Davros says: "Well. It seems that my Daleks cannot pick up the remote control from the gleaming stainless steel floor, and I am forced to watch MORE Doctor-related programming scheduled by that troublesome Time Lord, who no doubt thinks he's quite the wag as he tumbles through space with some sad urchin or other. No matter - I shall build a Dalek with a metal claw able to lift five remote controls at once. Or ... what if I were to create a television that could be controlled by switches incorporated into my kinky wheelchair console ... then I would have the power to watch any channel I desire, or ... I could even TURN THE TELEVISION OFF ENTIRELY. At my whim. Would I create such a device? Yes ... yes ... that kind of power would set me up amongst the gods! AND THROUGH THE DALEKS, I WILL HAVE THAT POWER!!"

SCREAMING GIRL S/R

SPOOKY MUSIC! Q/A
With a nifty tunnel effect.