THE NEWS D/L
Roxanne says: "I love the news. It's funny, isn't it?"

FILLET O' FISH C
The weather with Michael Fish, filmed (at long last) with an X-Ray camera so that you can see Ireland through Michael's ribcage.
Roxanne says: "See if you can spot which bone Michael fractured as a child. (Clue: It never really set properly.)"

EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG G/H
The acclaimed documentary series in which Andrew Sachs reveals the real history of the twentieth century, not the ridiculous propaganda you previously believed in.
3.The 1940s As Churchill signs the Unconditional Subbordination Treaty with the Termite Empire, work on the sixth face of the Earth is running dangerously behind schedule...
Roxanne says: "This is great. I'd get my kids to watch this, if I had any."

EASTENDERS 1/E/C
A classic episode from 1987. Lofty thinks he knows which Albert Square resident has cogs and wires behind their face, but will Ian sell him the knife?
Roxanne says: "Ah, Eastenders! I love this - my sister sent me all the tapes and I watch it all the time. I can do all the voices - 'Pat! Pat!' - you see?"

99999999999999999999999 J
Frantic real-life arson action with Michael Beurk. Michael pops round to an unsuspecting member of the public's house and pushes burning rags and fireworks through their letterbox - but not before he's boarded up all the windows, glued the doors shut and cut off the phone. Michael then invites you to watch through hidden cameras as the desperate residents attempt to call the emergency services.
Roxanne says: "I don't like that Michael Beurk much but Howie Tee does, and he'd usually pop round to my condo about this time for his tea. Or his Hitman Howie Tea, as we call it! I'll usually do him sardines on toast - he loves sardines. Not pilchards, though."

JASON AND THE AGA-NAUTS N/P/+
David Jason meets the amateur engineers with stars in their eyes who are trying to reach the moon in craft built entirely from old Victorian kitchen ranges.
Howie Tee says: "Yo! David Jason is the one actor who can usually take my mind off of the ghastly feelings in my stomach that quickly follow one of Roxanne's meals. Somehow, she thinks I like sardines - I don't, I like pilchards! I'm allergict to sardines. I feed the sardines to the cat when Roxanne's looking out the window. God, I could murder a pilchard right now."

BUT IF YOU JUST LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE... %%G
The popular science vs. gobbledegook debate show, hosted by Phillipa Forrester.This week, a panel of creationists attempt to explain their backward beliefs in faltering voices to an audience of geologists and evolutionary biologists, who will jeer and pelt them with bitumen.
Roxanne says: "My favorite bit in this is when some woman said that dinosaurs weren't dinosaurs, there was just less gravity then, and they were normal reptiles that didn't stop growing, and then she got hit in the cheek with some tar thrown by Richard Dawkins."

CLOSEDOWN S/N/R/T/H/G/I/I/O/Y/T/D/D/V/H/H/F/D/S
Roxanne says: "I'd probably be in bed by now, once I'd sent Howie Tee home. He sometimes tries to get me to let him sleep on the floor, but I've told him a thousand times - we're just friends!"