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THE CLASSIC 'CHICKEN MAN' BY ALAN HAWKSHAW HERE


WORLD'S BEST ever kids' school drama, set in the eponymous somewhere-in-London comprehensive. The Glorious Tucker and Benny Years ('77-'81) and the "Ro-Land"/Kendall/Zammo Era ('82-8) are by far the best things creator PHIL REDMOND has ever put his name to. The spark, alas, died with rebel-with-cause Danny Kendall, but the show still limps emptily on for new generations. Below, we present a pupil and teacher roll-call scooping up a fair portion of the best of these two periods.
THE KIDS
STEVEN 'BANKSIE' BANKS
ALSO-RAN clean cut kid most famous for growing hopeless
bumfluff 'tache upon graduation to all-new sixth form, inviting
condemnation from Bronson and ridicule from Baxter and fellow
pupils alike.
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JUSTIN
BENNETT HAPLESS, perpetually-sick/injured kid with lank hair and morose disposition. Played by ROBERT CRAIG-MORGAN. Fell off the roof of a shed, got nosebleeds. etc. Wretched, really. |
'BOOGA' BENSON
Keep your Grippers, Doyles, Davies and McCall (you don't get a
look in, boy) the official Grange Hill Bogey Man for all time was
the mad, bad, zitty Welsh lad who terrorised the corridors of
Grange Hill with pure, indiscriminate violence. In the latter
years we would be invited to inspect a somewhat simplistic
composite of nature and nurture that resulted in, say, Imelda
Davies shoving wads of fibre-glass down people's back. In Booga's
day all we had to know was this: He's a Nut-Job! Best Booga
Memory: In order for the school disco to go ahead, Bridget
insisted that the pupils grassed on the perpetrator of some
typically mindless piece of vandalism or theft (can't remember
the exact details). Tucker, in the show-must-go-on spirit,
eventually stepped forward and fingered Booga for it. Booga's
retribution was terrible, leading to scenes of Booga and his gang
whooping like them boys in The Lord of The Flies as they charged
through the corridors hunting the fleeing Jenkins. The end
result? Tucker got a bloody good kicking ... end of episode.
MIKE BENTLEY
LOOSE-LIPPED, weedy athlete who joined the show in the sixth form and
immediately became the lucky lust target for Georgina Hayes, who famously
told Helen Kelly that he was still a virgin, forcing the less liberal
fraternity in Tunbridge Wells to assault the typewriter in disgust. Ended up
winning loads of medals at some event despite a piss-up the night before and
an archetypal "pushy dad", who was never seen out of a tracksuit. Played by
RENE ZAGGER, now pounding ver beat as PC Nick Klein in The Bill.
RONNIE BIRTLES
Does she really? Was the "other one" out of poor-as-you-like
lunchtime rap outfit Fresh 'n' Fly, with Michelle "Hattie" Gayle's Fiona. Romantically linked with Gonch for a while.
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ROLAND
"RO-LAAND" BROWNING ERKAN MUSTAFA'S roly-poly pathologically quiet figure of fun went from young, bullied, chocolate-wrapper-hoarding son of MIKE SAVAGE off EUREKA! through broody, antisocial stooge to Gripper Stebson and unwilling 'boyfriend' of Janet St. Clair to jumpered sixth-form cookery expert with scarcely an ounce shed. Got lost when orienteering with Bullet Baxter. Nearly always had his hand in a packet of KP Cheese 'n' Onion. Rounded character, ho ho. |
TREVOR CLEAVER
UGLY FAT GINGE with volcanic complexion and surly disposition
often, bizarrely, in league with Imelda Davies. Penchant for
export lager which caused him to fall asleep on yet another
school trip abroad and float out to sea on a tyre. Vince Savage
was his hopeless one-man 'gang'.
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IMELDA
DAVIES TOMBOYISH punkette psychopath of the mid-'80s, very much 'her own girl' and hater of Ziggy Greaves (a vendetta which led to her own expulsion in a pitched water bomb battle gone wrong). Her gang, "The Terror Hawks" (cheers, 1985!) went head-to-head with TREVOR CLEAVER. And blinked. Georgina Hayes was the only other notable member of Les Ts. |
CALLY DONNINGTON
STANDARD GH blonde played by SIMONE HYAMS, most famous
in real life for thinking Michael Winner "worth the
candle", so to speak.
MICKEY DOYLE
ALL-ROUND bully and git, the only force malevolent enough to
unite Tucker and Trisha (albeit briefly). Put the hard-fought-for
lunchtime common room into jeopardy after his money making scheme
(yep, another one) of stealing light bulbs from the school and
selling them to the local stereotypical Jewish hardware store was
rumbled. The anti-Tucker with his foppish fringe and dinner-money
extortion rackets was the original Gripper Stebson. OK, never
quite as feared as Gripper and if you see the old episodes again
he's frankly a disappointment pretty much due to his soprano
voice. Still there must have been something about him, because
for many under 12's he personified that terrible evil that
awaited you when you moved to the high school. Had two sidekicks
called 'Macker' and 'Robo'. His dad was on the local council
(there were strong hints that he was a Tory of the Enoch Powell
tradition) so he was a privileged, spoiled bully as opposed to
Gripper, who was a deprived, under-privileged one. Played by
VINCENT HALL.
ANNETTE FIRMAN
ASSOCIATE of Fay Lucas. Always getting into scrapes and berating
Fay for being 'Goody Two Shoes'. Played by NADIA CHAMBERS.
JIMMY FLYNN
THIRD member of the Jonah/Zammo gang, Played by TERRY KINSELLA. A
goofy, nay Walrus-faced, kid with a speech impediment whose only
role is to be a pain in the arse and piss people off. His
sub-Wildean dialogue includes: Dinner Lady: "You've made me
lose my temper." (Flynn looks behind counter) Dinner Lady:
" 'Ere what yer doin'?" Flynn: "I'm lookin for
your temper." Hilarious.
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LUKE
'GONCH' GARDENER THE BILKO of GH. Money-making schemes 'were' him, from bingo in the boiler room to 'clean your PE kit for 50p' to selling 'buttered toast'. Bugged the staff room and caught Stebson nicking stuff. Inevitably went 'too far' and was undone by his greed and semi-comprehending shortarse associate 'Hollo' Holloway. Played by the familiarly-named JOHN HOLMES. |
JULIA GLOVER
ATTRACTIVE best mate of Laura Regan who was the kind of mature,
"well-developed", hair-flicking stay-out-late
girlfriend many young male viewers wished they had.
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'ZIGGY'
GREAVES A SCOUSER, and so always held in low esteem by the bulk of the none-more-cockernee Hillites. Passions - football! Of course! And, er, 'mischief-making'. Seen here with long-time compadre Robbie, indulging in some good clean we're-gonna-be-in-trouble-before-25-minutes- are-up fun. Overcame arch rival Imelda Davies, but eventually pissed off anyway. Played by GEORGE CHRISTOPHER. |
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BENNY
GREEN PLAYED by TERRY SUE PATT who, like Ant Jones, started off in CFF Films. Member, of course, of Tuckers' gang. Overcame racism and 'his dad's unemployed!' prejudice to play for the district footie team. "Go on, then. Go ahead and hit me. But it won't make me wrong, will it?" |
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CATHY
HARGREAVES TRISHA'S best mate and hockey companion, played by LINDY BRILL. Had troubled relationship with mum, dad and 'real dad', which inevitably led to her getting caught doing a bit of 'cry for help' shoplifting... of a record of 'Amazing Grace' of all things. Fancied the much-fancied 'Hoppy' Hopwood, and followed him around the corridors. Until he told her to 'go away'. |
GEORGINA HAYES
INITIALLY girlfriend of short-stay budget Tucker ANT
JONES and member of IMELDA DAVIES' daft "Terror Hawks"
gang. Latterly as lovetorn 'across the barricades' case after Ant
was relocated to St. Josephs. Ended up going out with Ziggy.
'HOLLO' HOLLOWAY
PARTHER IN CRIME of Gonch, of course, usually coming off
the worst in their many money-making schemes (ie. doing most of
the work, taking most of the blame when it went pear-shaped),
unless there were some hapless second-formers to rope into the
proceedings. Effortlessly baited T Cleaver with the 'haunted
boiler room' bit. Left two years before Gonch, who was never
quite the same after. "Push off, Cleaver!" Played by
BRADLEY SHEPPARD.
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ALAN
HUMPHRIES THIRD member of the Jenkins gang. Burly chess-playing lummox played by GEORGE ARMSTRONG and also to be seen hanging about with Billy MacArthur. Dramatically floored by 'Hoppy' Hopwood after he discovered him having a crafty Woodbine in class. |
JEREMY IRVINE
ILL-STARRED cousin of Jonah's, dared by him to jump in the pool
after a swimming lesson to get Fay Lucas' bangle (thrown in by
Zammo) for a rather weak 'dare'. Went in, never came out alive,
despite the best "Don't... die... (thump)" efforts of
have-a-go hero Baxter, who later got a bollocking (as did the
episdoe itself from irate viewers) for leaving the kids
unattended in the pool.
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PETER
'TUCKER' JENKINS TODD CARTY'S original 'rapscallion' will always be synonymous with The 'Hill. From his original incarnation as a tiny, bowl-cutted brat, mouthing off to Baxter and getting one over on nemesis Trisha Yates, to senior leather biker, lording it benevolently over all the school, including Gripper. Head of the original 'gang of four' (cf Alan Humphries, Benny Green, Tommy Watson), who were forever pleading with the Man to 'leave it aaaht'. Nickname derived, somewhat predictably, from lunchtime tuckshop fondness. The downbeat TUCKER'S LUCK and a job at a filling station followed. |
ANTHONY 'ANT'
JONES
COOL, mulleted, slightly dull semi-rebel, most famously seen in
CFF masterpiece POP PIRATES. A favourite of 'Pip' Schofield,
suspiciously. Ended up transferring to rival school St. Joseph's
after one Bronson run-in too many. Played by RICKY SIMMONDS.
'JONAH' JONES
EARLY mate of Zammo. Got gloomy monicker after Jeremy Irvine
incident. Famously stole a couple of Rodney Bennett uniforms with
Zammo and passed themselves off as RB pupils for a day, until
Bullet turned up to borrow some PE equipment... Played by LEE
SPARKS, who went on to appear in rubbish ITV schools musical
drama BEHIND THE BIKE SHEDS.
ANTHONY
KARAMANOPOLIS
FAMED, a la JUSTIN BENNETT, for taking a plunge from the
roof of a local shopping centre, during an increasingly
life-threatening series of chicken games. Cue limp body on
ground, shocked face of mate, silent end credits. Prior to that,
all he did was fall asleep in class because his dad was working
him too hard in the shop.
HELEN KELLY
SPIKEY, whiney-voiced 'lib girl' who formed part of Imelda's "Terror Hawks"
(do you see?) gang and later blatantly told Bronson that she hadn't done her French
homework because she "was watching Clint Eastwood". Later accused
Bronson of chauvinism when he told her she should forget her ambitions to be
an engineer and go for secretarial training instead, proving him wrong by
completing a successful work placement at some factory, enduring the not
unexpected sexist jibes from the workforce in the process. Also went through
a series of crap 'dares' with Georgina, which resulted in her having a
tattoo of a spider put on her arm. Played by RUTH CARRAWAY.
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DANNY
KENDALL MISUNDERSTOOD artistic genius, mural-daubing man-with-a-mission, instigator of the Speaking Wall and Radio GH, and redesigner of the GH badge into a rubbishy purple graphic which coincided with the series buckling under and going crap. A loner, ever moaning at McCluskey to get him a graphic design work placement and "keep Bronson off my back!", the sickly boy finally copped it, poetically, in the back of Bronson's car after stealing it, leading to the infamous silent hounding of Maurice in the playground the next week.Played by JONATHAN LAMBETH. |
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FAY
LUCAS MUCH-FANCIED 'romantic lead' material (ie. her character wasn't too thrilling, to be honest), Fay's main schtick was gymnastics, leading to many 'you shouldn't be neglecting your studies' discussions and bitchy "Urgh! She's got all muscles!" comments from fellow girls. Played by ALISON BETTLES, seen here Just Saying No in the dreadful 'pumping iron/roller disco' video for that rather misguided spin off 'message' single. Hung about with BELINDA ZOWKOWSKI and ANNETTE FIRMAN. |
FRED
MAINWARING
OLDER brother of Chrissy. Clearly fancied himself,
having had a brief thing with Julia Glover before going for the
older Julie Merchant. In the barge trip which took place when
Zammo/Roland et al were in their last year, Fred took his entire
designer wardrobe with him, got all his clothes ripped or
muddied, and ended up wearing an Arran sweater and looking a
prize pillock. Ended up going out with Laura Regan after Julie
left school, and Julia was removed elsewhere by her disapproving
father (see below). Also older brother of Chrissy.
'MAULER'
McCAUL
SECOND-DIVISION 'hard', menaced Gonch, but not that much.
American football fetish. Rubbish Gridiron Gang (cue endless
running about the playground in shoulder pads and helmet like a
prize mid-'80s pillock) included 'Spit' (not the dog, alas).
McCLAREN
ANOTHER money-making schemer (what was it with The 'Hill and
proto-capitalists?), at his peak during the year GH had their
sponsored walk. I believe he opened a book on the results of the
walk and, for some reason, backed Roland to win it. Of course, it
didn't work out like that. McClaren out-Pogo'd Pogo and out
Gonch'd-Gonch for being the funniest, and wiliest GH money-maker.
His sidekick was that chap who later went onto to play
"gay" Barry in EastEnders.
SUSI MACMAHON
FAT GIRL perennially teased by Pongo Yates and driven to anorexia
(well, only eating one sausage at teatime for a bit).
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SAMUEL
'ZAMMO' MAGUIRE THE SHAUN RYDER of GH, turned from second-form mini-rogue and associate of 'Jonah' Jones and ill-fated Jeremy Irvine to one-boy rock 'n' roll casualty within the space of one season. In short, he chased the dragon and got a smack in the nose. Overcame the evil poppy against the odds, mind, thanks to patient teachers and a dreary-looking dry-out clinic. Catchphrase: "It's not cut glass, it's smooth. Dead posh, though! Fifty quid?" Played by LEE MACDONALD. |
PRECIOUS
MATTHEWS
FELLOW PUPIL of Tucker et al. Token black girl, and as such had
few memorable 'escapades', alas. Actress went on to appear in
lacklustre drama Call Me Mister. See also Glenroy, token
Rastafarian of smashed open day exhibit and massive sound system
for hire at school disco fame.
DUANE
ORPINGTON
SAPPY kid with a crush on Miss Lexington ("can I carry your
bags, miss?"), but not of Clair Scott/Hopwood proportions.
STUART 'POGO'
PATTERSON
FATTO ginger kid with nickname of unknown origin, prone to
tuckshop "raids" and proto-Gonch moneymaking schemes designed to
feed said "urge", including short-lived Rice Krispy cake racket.
Actually tried that "exam answers on chewing gum wrappers"
gambit. And was, inevitably, caught at it. Played by PETER MORAN,
who even wrote an autobiography and called it, rather bitterly,
'Pogo-Stuck' (geddit?)
AICHAA RASHIM
FOXY Asian sixth-former who annoyed her pal Georgina by getting a modelling
assignment for a magazine while Georgina was turned down, only to be denied
her big chance by her stereotypically mollycoddling parents, who deemed the
opportunity unsuitable for their culture. Dated Robbie Wright for a while,
who chivalrously broke the ice by introducing himself to her parents rather
than let them find out surreptitiously that she was seeing (gasp) a white
boy. Played by VEENA TULSIANI.
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SUZANNE
ROSS CLEARLY SUSAN TULLY, of course. Hated school uniforms, loved 'Scruffy' McGuffy, and helmed the anarcho-synicalist Student Action Group to save the latter and scrap the former (Uniform's a drag, so says the SAG!"). After leaving, spent a bit of time dressing up like Mrs. Robert Smith (left) and strutting round the GH corridors waiting to be 'done' by McCluskey, whereupon she would inform her that she weren't at this school no more, and so could wear what she liked, so ner. |
JANET St.
CLAIR
"LET ME help you, Rol-aaand!" Yep, the hapless Roly's
would-be girl, played by SIMONE NYLANDER and not Michelle Gayle,
who was in it much later, as Fiona part of awful sub-Cookie Crew
outfit Fresh 'n' Fly (cf RONNIE BIRTLES).
VINCE SAVAGE
SLACK JAWED, buzzcutted and thick, thick, THICK stooge to Trevor
Cleaver. Believed the mottled one had eerie supernatural powers
with little encouragement. Came into his own during misguided
Harriet the donkey saga.
CLAIRE SCOTT
'SWEET' girl with a serious crush for Mr. Hopwood, leading to
fictitious diary entries which portrayed her school girl
sex-fantasies with 'Hoppy' as though they were real. Of course,
in Grange Hill, everyone's diaries are regularly read by their
mums ("darling, I was just worried about you - and you
haven't been speaking to me lately") which in this case led
to Mr Scott storming red-faced around Grange Hill looking to twat
him who'd dunnit to his daughter. Pogo's response when
encountering Mr Scott rampaging: "Get Bullet!" Played
by PAULA ANN BLAND.
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'GRIPPER'
STEBSON VIOLENT, racist junior thug who, despite having ROLAND BROWNING in his 'gang' (along with Danny Rees, etc.) ruled GH with an iron fist until finally kicked out with help from tough-but-fair Bullet Baxter. Last seen harrassing Zammo and pals at the GH junior fun-run on his butcher's delivery bike. How the mighty, etc... Supported Chelsea. Was a wizard at Space Invaders. Played by MARK SAVAGE. |
CHRISTOPHER 'STEWPOT' STEWART
WISECRACKING best mate of Duane Orpington, who blanked him and then punched
him after both went after Claire Scott and Stewpot won. Comeuppance was due,
and Duane was delighted when McCluskey suspended the young lovebirds after
they were caught snogging in the book cupboard. MARK BURDIS was yer man,
who now frequents two piss-poor police shows; Operation Good Guys and The Bill. He is completely bald.
MADELEINE
TANNER
ANOTHER early 'Hill bad girl a la Trisha. Dared
nice-but-troubled Cathy Hargreaves to do a bit of tealeafing down
the local Woolies. Nasty.
TOMMY WATSON
THE fourth member of Tucker's original gang, and possibly the
least memorable, apart from the infamous incident when he was
smuggled onto a school coach via the emergency exit for a camping
trip to France. With, of course, disastrous consequences.
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JACKI
WRIGHT THE FIFTH-FORM bride! Aka the prospective 'Mrs. Zammo McGuire', aka (really) MELISSA WILKES, of OUR SHOW "Grand Pricks" infamy. Worried a lot, mostly about Zammo, but also about mysterious rival suitor "Loop Wind". As well she might, quite frankly. |
ROBBIE WRIGHT
ZIGGY'S co-conspirator, as
Hollo was to Gonch or Benny to Tucker. Outstayed the Zig, and got
mixed up in football hooliganism before leaving. Li'l bruv of
Jacki (above). Played by JOHN "I've been stitched up!"
ALFORD.
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TRISHA
YATES ARCH-RIVAL to Tucker (who called her 'Pongo', for easily-guessable reasons) and violent hockey-bitch. Played by MICHELLE HIBBERT with a Lorraine Chase voice. Scruffy and sarky, but (yes) 'a good girl at heart'. |
BELINDA
ZOWKOWSKI
ASSOCIATE of Fay Lucas, and quite possibly the wettest character
ever to appear on Grange Hill. The episode in which her clarinet
is stolen is undoubtedly the least compelling in the show's
history. Played by PAULA TARAS.
THE STAFF
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'BULLET'
BAXTER ARCHETYPAL 'tough but fair' PE teacher played by MICHAEL CRONIN. Was the perennial downfall of Tucker, Doyle and co., and had it in for Gripper and his fellow, even-more-of-a-bastard PE teacher Mr. Hicks ("Slip on the wet floor, did you?"). Combined use of violence with diplomatic hardness. Didn't manage to save Jeremy Irvine however, or complete an orienteering course with Roland. |
MISS BOOTH
Art teacher, accused by Julia Glover's father, who was head of
governors, of moonlighting when she sold some of her pottery at a
craft fair.
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MAURICE
'BRONCO' BRONSON ARCHETYPAL 'tough but a bastard' fruity-vowelled French teacher (Latin was his first subject, but when he switched from posh Rodney Bennett to oikey GH he had to 'downgrade' as it were) played by the ace MICHAEL SHEARD. Was the perennial downfall of everyone, and hounded Danny Kendall to extremes, until Dan exitted in Bronco's car, after which his status was greatly diminished. Zammo-assisted swimming pool dunking of long-suspected wig didn't help matters, either. "You, boy!" was the bellowed phrase in corridors up and down the building. |
MR. GRIFFITHS
BLUFF, brown-coated elderly
caretaker, forever fixing something in the corridor when a herd
of kids blundered through, cocking it all up. Ever on the alert
for things being nicked. And, as the stories got dafter, 'the
ghost of Grange Hill' in the boiler room. Silliness culminated in
the ridiculous hiding of a doomed donkey in a PE equipment shed
with Cleaver, Savage and Imelda. Played by GEORGE "A" COOPER.
'HOPPY'
HOPWOOD
TECHNOLOGY teacher. Corduroy jacket wearing good bloke, a
proto-Mr Robson. Most famous for being the object of first Cathy
Hargreaves', then Claire Scott's infatuation. Played by proto-Neil Pearson BRIAN
"FULL HOUSE" CAPRON.
MR KENNEDY
AMIABLE, half-caste good bloke who treated the kids as adults while having
to deal with Mr Scott constantly seeking advice on his Cleaver trouble. Was
particularly prone to making sacrifices in order to teach the kids something
- he shaved off his moustache in a pact to make Banksie remove his crap
bumfluff, and later raced the same pupil around the school a few times in
some sort of fitness challenge but, ever the sportsman, he was about to
win when he grabbed Banksie and pulled him over the line to force a draw. He
also tried, alongside Miss Booth, to give up smoking in order to force Danny
Kendall to kick the habit. Why was Kendall seemingly the only kid to smoke at that school?
MISS
LEXINGTON
THE object of Duane Orpington's teenagerish lust, 'Sexy Lexy'
taught Computer Studies. Thought to be really having a bit of a
thing with Mr Hopwood. But so was Miss Mooney, among others...
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BRIDGET
'THE MIDGET' MCCLUSKEY ARCHETYPAL 'tough but fair' headmistress of diminutive stature who ruled the GH roost for most of our chosen Cream period. Was to the left of psychos like Bronson, but to the right of wildcards such as Scruffy. Tried her best with Kendall. Regularly heard in her office - "I'm not as harsh as you children seem to think...", or "This is a school, not a borstal. Ties and blazers must be worn at all times. Am I making myself clear, Suzanne?" Yes, Miss. |
'SCRUFFY'
MCGUFFY
ARCHETYPAL renegade tutor of Open Universityesque
'unkempt' appearance, forever up against McCluskey for his
'progressive' teaching methods. Supported pupil endeavours such
as the Student Action Group, flexitime, speaking wall, and
perennial school magazine which was forever getting him into
trouble for a) subversive conent and b) wearing out the
photocopier. Was sacked for this, then reinstated after the SAG
protested to McCluskey.
MR McKENZIE
JOLLY Scottish craft teacher (always in a grey woodwork-master jacket) who had a permanent grin and a willing ear. Probably the only teacher in the whole of GH's history who never had a grudge held against him by any pupil, therefore dull.
MISS MOONEY
MUMSY English mistress, wooed 'Sooty' Sutcliffe for ages only to
unceremoniously dump him when he finally made his move on a trip
to Chessington Zoo (the same one where Roland shut himself in the
cafeteria eating sausages all day).
MISS
PARTRIDGE
History teacher. Had secret child called Simon. Mini-scandal as
she wasn't married.
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MISS
PETERSON GIRLS' PE teacher played by CHERYL BRANKER, adept at dealing with period anxieties, wannabe gymnastic champions (Fay Lucas) and hockey thugs (Trisha Yates). Shouted abuse at obligatory gang of boys trying to see into the girls' changing rooms twice per series, on average. |
MISS REGAN
PE TUTOR and mother of GH pupil Laura. Duties as per
Miss Peterson.
MR SCOTT
WIMPY and socially-unskilled biology teacher who was constantly tormented by
Cleaver and Imelda and kept running to Kennedy for advice. Finally snapped
when Cleaver told him to "go tell your boyfriend Kennedy!" after another
round of pisstaking, and only a last-ditch plea from Ronnie Birtles stopped
him (alas) from smacking the fat ginger tosser deservedly in the face, following a
brilliant slow stroll towards Cleaver's desk, with the boy's appeals
for peer help ("stop him someone!") falling on deaf ears. Later got a small
semblance of retribution by dissecting a heart in front of the class,
forcing Cleaver to lose face in front of the others by copiously throwing
up.
MR SMART
GITTISH, moustachioed pre-Bronson wanker, despised just as much as the
syrupped French teacher would later be, but not feared. Spanned three main
eras of Gripper/Zammo/Gonch, and best remembered for giving a patronising
lecture in something or other as the camera focussed on the words 'SMART
ARSE' which Clare Scott had written in her exercise book, cue the odd
complaint. Also identified the voice of Gripper Stebson as the thief after
Gonch had bugged McCluskey's study.
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'SOOTY'
SUTCLIFFE HANDSOME, well-mannered (ie. rather poofy to the viewing child) English teacher, involved in brief romance with Miss Mooney. Lasted a fair part of the 'Hill course, too - he was around for ages. Shite at teaching - just hid behind the desk all lesson, allocated parts from Shakespeare to the thick kids then took the piss out of them when they couldn't read it properly. Played by JAMES WYNN. |
THOMAS 'TOM
TOM' THOMPSON
THE caretaker who preceded old Donkey Griffiths. Exactly
the same as Griffiths. Same traits and everything.


Classic 'Hill japes the old-fashioned way - the precarious chair tower, and (for some reason) a low-budget We Are The Champions! recreation.