 | 1970
So we begin back in 1970 when Ted Heath was toasting his nuts round the
Downing Street fireplace for the first time, and the big film on BBC1 was
CHARADE at 9.15pm. Might not sound like much nowadays but we reckon that
settling down in the post-Meltis torpor to watch Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant
and Walter Matthau seven years after it was released – and with no other
opportunity to see it since its first release, mind – would have been great.
Meanwhile on the other channel (Granada to be precise) WAS GUNS AT BATASI
starring Sir Lord Dickie of Attenborough although HTV did rather better with
their own dose of Hepburn and BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S; although that's really
a film for the afternoon, isn't it?
|
 | 1971
Saw BBC1 continue its Stanley Donen theme. The director of last year's
big BBC film Charade takes another festive scalp with the splendid ARABESQUE
starring Gregory Peck. Brilliant spy intrigue and drama and, as before, a
real treat. That was at 9.05pm but earlier on in the afternoon ITV had
finally got with the programme and scheduled KING SOLOMON'S MINES for 3.10pm
(and we have to presume this was the Stewart Granger version from 1950 here)
and narrowly trumped Auntie at 8.30 with future holiday stalwart Around The
World In 80 Days, even though it had to interrupted by the news. After a
decidedly Sunday afternoon 1970 then, things had begun to look a little more
recognisably Christmassy this year.
|
 | 1972
Brought a selection box of particular variety with Robert Redford and
BAREFOOT IN THE PARK on BBC1 at the back of 9pm. Redford was at the height
of his fame at this point with Butch Cassidy a few short years past and The
Sting coming next year so a real star-turn to enjoy and a good light-hearted
funny comedy too. ITV meanwhile try to bottle some of that Eric and Ernie
Xmas magic by showing at 3.10pm THAT RIVIERA TOUCH which, prefiguring M&W on
commercial telly, wasn't that good. At 8.30pm in Granadaland though was
probably the best film of the day, TOM JONES though not what you might call
fun for all the family. Still, loads better than the hoary old bobbins
KHARTOUM which ATV slung out. Do we think Lew would claim the glory for
sticking this old cobblers on? We think not. We mean to say; if he had to
play a Chuck epic why not The Ten Commandments? He had the cash.
|
 | 1973
Most of the films so far have had a gap of about five or six years from
cinema release before they appeared on telly, cranking up that expectation
of good things at Xmas, and in 1973 after five years BBC1 pulled THE ODD
COUPLE out of their hat at 8.35pm - and with it stole an early march on the
competition. Indeed so far it's fair to say that, with the exception of 1971
all the running for total filmic domination has come from inside the
concrete doughnut. Which is quite surprising when you consider that ATVland
was still in swing and should have been able to come up with the goods. But
the best the network could do is an afternoon showing of WHERE ANGELS GO,
TROUBLE FOLLOWS which may have Milton Berle and Rosalind Russell in but is a
pretty poor showing (and is even a sequel). Still, they make up for it
somewhat in VON RYAN'S EXPRESS later on. Another one for Auntie.
|
 | 1974
Harold Wilson may have got the HP Sauce back in the
cupboards in No 10 but it seemed to be The Duke's year as John Wayne got two
films on the day, one on each channel. BBC1 managed an afternoon showing of
TRUE GRIT and in the evening ITV followed up with THE UNDEFEATED. So even on
that score the Beeb won again. Auntie then followed up with BRIDGE OVER THE
RIVER KWAI later on which probably bagged them the ratings but didn't
exactly create the air of jollity the nation might have expected (and with
still less than 30 years since the end of the war many living rooms might
not have enjoyed the spectacle, we fancy). ITV provided the only dose of
merriment with the soon to be ubiquitous THOSE MAGNIFICENT MEN IN THEIR
FLYING MACHINES and any outing for Eric Sykes, Willie Rushton and Terry
Thomas on Xmas Day has to be a blessing. Okay it's not the best of its type
but at least ITV had got the idea and afforded the opportunity for some
laughs once the Queen had cleared off in the afternoon.
|
 | 1975
The first showing (at all, we have to suppose) for THE WIZARD OF
OZ, a film we can't recall ever being on anything other than the BBC (The 1
here, of course) and at 4.10pm in the afternoon, not first thing in the
morning which is where it's usually relegated to now. And to follow? How
about a dose of the aforementioned BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID at
8.45pm? Hark back to a time when these would have been film premieres and
consider how brilliant that billing must have looked when you opened that
double issue for the first time. ITV try manfully but with just a 3.10pm
showing of DOCTOR IN TROUBLE and THE TAMING OF THE SHREW, with Liz Taylor
and Richard Burton at 8.30pm, we have to ask you; what side would you have
been watching?
|
 | 1976
For the first time thus far a musical makes it into the big time
(we're not counting Wizard of Oz here) as BBC1 screen OLIVER! in that
post-regal (and that's the royal not the cigarette) and news slot followed
by AIRPORT and we're not sure when else the Radio Times have had the
opportunity to do a special feature on Harry Secombe and Dean Martin
together (even though they almost certainly didn't, the fools). Oliver!
wasn't particularly new here (about 8 years old) but can at least be
construed as being Christmassy – in a Quality Street-advert kinda way at
least – but we still reckon that for fun, laughs, a sing-song and a warm
feeling by the gas fire this serves nicely for the occasion. Behind the
other buttons ITV muster PLEASE SIR! At 3.10pm and the epic but frosty
WATERLOO in the evening. Where the dial may have rested might seem clear-cut
at the outset but once your Dad and Grandad had stoked up their pipes in the
evening and your Mum and Gran had repaired to the kitchen to mangle the
leftover turkey, the prospects of Deryck Guyler and the advancing Prussian
cavalry might have proved irresistible...
|
 | 1977
BBC1 are stretching their luck by showing THE WIZARD OF OZ again!
And at exactly the same time, 4.10pm. What were they thinking? We mean,
it's a grand film and all but they did forget to leave a note out or
something? Then they go and chuck out perennial winner of the TV Cream
Ironic Film Title Of The Week Award, FUNNY GIRL at 10.15pm! It would have
been Boxing Day by the time that finished! And the chance of spotting Bruce
Forsyth and Frankie Vaughan are hardly incentive to keep your eyes open when
you've probably watched them all day already. Oi! Mind you, ITV didn't do
much better with the tiresome and ultimately pointless exercise of YOUNG
WINSTON at 7.15pm. We'd probably have written a letter about this. Were
Disney not on the phone then or what?
|
 | 1978
Jim Callaghan isn't the only one in crisis as BBC1 proffer THE
SOUND OF MUSIC at 4.20pm. Fair enough we hear you cry. But TRUE GRIT: A
FURTHER ADVENTURE at 8.45pm? We can only hope the idiot responsible for
perpetrating the atrocity of screening a TV movie as a Big Film was awarded
his P45 wrapped in tinsel on Boxing Day. They're losing it! But fear not
for ITV have at last stumbled upon a formula that was to last them for
several centuries as they show BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES at 3.10pm
and at 6.45pm DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER. They discover, perhaps by chance, that
action films and Bond at Christmas work a treat. It's fantasy, action and
laughs we want boys! Seminal turning point here, we reckon.
|
 | 1979
It's a big year for both Thatch and Robert Redford (and there's a double act
no-one thought of) as the blond one gets his '70s hat-trick in 1979 when THE
STING makes it out at 8.30pm on BBC1 which had already produced THE
GNOME-MOBILE from Disney at 4.20pm (and it hardly seems credible that this
is Disney's first entry on Christmas Day primetime so far). Meanwhile ITV
trust to their new formula with a 3.10pm GOLDFINGER followed by the
action-packed and comic THE THREE MUSKETEERS: THE QUEEN'S DIAMONDS (the
first of the Dick Lester/Richard Chamberlain/Roy Kinnear ones) in the
evening. It's paying dividends and who is the winner? Why, we are!
|
 | 1980
The '80s spring upon us and first of the trap for BBC1, and it's a belter!
20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA graduates from Disney Time to prime time at
3.10pm and with GEORGE AND MILDRED: THE MOVIE (or however you want to bill
it) on at the same time on ITV then we think that's game to Mason. The Beeb
follow up with the not-quite-so-brilliant AIRPORT 1975 at 8.45pm. Apart from
the fact that it's rubbish, this left rather a lengthy period between
showings of the original and sequel (four years) and the pretty
insurmountable problem that any film with a year in the title is always
going to seem past-it. Anyway ITV stuck to their PPK's and produced THE MAN
WITH THE GOLDEN GUN at 6.10pm. We suppose that you could have watched
Airport 1975 first then this after, but you wouldn't, would you?
|
 | 1981
1981 sees BBC1 trust once again in Disney as they pull out nice Maurice
Chevalier/Hayley Mills flick IN SEARCH OF THE CASTAWAYS at 4.10pm but then
crash badly in the evening with crappy British crime number LOOPHOLE with
Albert Finney which even the presence of Colin Blakely and Robert Morley
couldn't save (if anything they just make it seem like a badly scheduled
episode of The Hangman). ITV don't have to think of course, they just put in
a couple of calls to Lew Grade and Cubby Broccoli and win hands down with DR
NO at 3.10pm and produce the best early evening film of the year with THE
MUPPET MOVIE at 6.30pm. On top of this they also find room for
Caine/Gould/Caan period romp HARRY AND WALTER GO TO NEW YORK at 9.35pm which
might not be classic but it's good fun and that's what they want!
|
 | 1982
Into 1982 and things are taking a turn for the worse. To be honest, we
don't really recall things being this bad but then everything looks better
through a thick fog of trifle we suppose. The best BBC1 could muster in the
royalty slot of 3.10pm was the perpetually crappy INTERNATIONAL VELVET and
at 8pm the worthy but distinctly mumsie DEATH ON THE NILE. We'd have been on
to playing with the boxes by this point. ITV at least try with THE PARENT
TRAP and THE BLACK HOLE but probably only managed to create a nation at war
by scheduling them up against the Beeb's numbers. Where's Bond, then?
|
 | 1983
BBC1 play it smart as they went to snag the kids and then their
dads by showing CFF stalwart GLITTERBALL at 1.05pm and follow that up with a
4pm showing for TREASURE ISLAND (and we presume that's the Robert Newton one
by Disney since that would be more in keeping with the situation). Topped
off with twinkling David Niven at 10.15pm with BETTER LATE THAN NEVER it's
not exactly a classic line-up but so much better than last year! Not a match
for ITV though 'cos they had SUPERMAN after HM and REVENGE OF THE PINK
PANTHER in the evening. Remember when Pink Panther films were a real
treat? Now add on Superman and we reckon that's Christmas film time magic,
people!
|
 | 1984
BBC1 seemed to have rather jettisoned that contemporary feel but no
matter 'cos they did so to reel in an afternoon with MARY POPPINS and an
evening with SOME LIKE IT HOT. Now that's a line-up. ITV start on a
shoogly nail with THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN yet again. Would you believe
but stand well back, 'cos here comes RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and that is
game, set and match. We reckon this is probably the first real event
premiere that everyone would want to see and it was also scheduled after the
aforementioned Poppins and before Curtis and Lemmon got dragged up in the
evening, thereby also giving everyone the opportunity to see it. A
coincidence or a stirring of festive co-operation between the trenches?
Either way, we doubt if something like that would ever happen now.
|
 | 1985
1985 seems to have been rather a Waterloo for the BBC and, to be frank, if
they had shown Waterloo they would have come out of it a whole lot better.
Instead they decided to play the titanically unsuitable ABSENCE OF MALICE at
10.40pm and that's it! So they let ITV trump them with their by now
obligatory Bond, MOONRAKER at 3.05pm. Now we could understand this if Auntie
had some hugely alluring bauble to display in the same slot but since they
had scheduled THE CHILDREN'S ROYAL VARIETY PERFORMANCE for then we know that
we would have gritted our teeth and put up with Drax and company for the
afternoon consoling ourselves with the classic Ken Adams 'too many monitors'
sets. BBC2 had CITIZEN KANE right enough but that's not really the point, is
it?
|
 | 1986
Back in the realms of the musical, and the preposterously
overlong and overblown ANNIE on BBC1 at 3.10pm. Mums and Grans might have
been pleased at the prospect of this but we can bet there would have been
gnashing of teeth at the thought of missing out on DUMBO on at the same time
on the other channel followed by NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN at 6.30pm. Since
Dumbo would have come and gone before Annie had even hit its stride and
fuelled by those Screen Test appearances, we know what we'd have wanted to
tune to (and armed with mighty sword of paternal indignation at listening to
Carol Burnett bawl at Tim Curry we reckon we'd have probably got our way,
too). Never Say Never Again might be the 'other' Bond – even less popular
than Casino Royale – but it does have a brilliant vector graphics scene
which is worth the effort alone.
|
 | 1987
The Queen probably insisted her Christmas Message was recorded so
that she could set the video to tape BBC1's showing of INDIANA JONES AND THE
TEMPLE OF DOOM right after she was on (and how much did the BBC have to pay
to grab that little nugget away from the network?). A tremendous start to be
sure, but then they go and blow it all by doing something stupid like airing
TERMS OF ENDEARMENT in the evening in a piece of inappropriate scheduling
that frankly still makes us stare into the middle distance with wonder to
this day. During the day ITV try manfully with a Disney double but who was
seriously going to opt for ALICE IN WONDERLAND over Indy whether it was
followed by BEDKNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS OR NO? Terms of Endearment?!?!?!
|
 | 1988
Video is starting to cut into the fun a little but
remember it was still a couple of years before films made it to video so
when BBC1 put on BACK TO THE FUTURE then that was still a good result for
everyone. Smart arsed SILVERADO followed in the evening but we recall that
there was only one film we had ringed around in our TV Times that year and
that was the mighty THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK which ITV had grabbed for
viewing at 3.55pm. RETURN OF THE JEDI actually didn't get a showing until
Boxing Day the following year at the rubbish time of 2.30pm and that's
despite it being the newer and arguably bigger one of the two. Although
they got them the right way round we reckon. You know, we can still taste
that tension as we struggled manfully to get those roasting tins washed in
time for Empire coming on. Where were you and your bloody foam then,
Ainsley?
|
 | 1989
BBC1 continued their run of big film premieres at Christmas with,
at 6.15pm, the great CROCODILE DUNDEE which might not seem an ideally
festive decision but which we think was a great choice. Especially if you
had watched The Paul Hogan Show on Channel 4 and could wax lyrical about
blowtorching toast like a real smart arse in class. In the evening John
Cleese got two Xmas Days in a row on the BBC with CLOCKWISE (which is miles
better than bloody Silverado anyway if only 'cos it doesn't have Kevin
'international conspiracy to persuade us he's funny' Kline in it ). ITV by
this time are not really trying to compete since although THE BFG is nice
gentle viewing befitting a Xmas atmosphere it's more yer Snowman morning
slot than comfy hot on the heels of HM. Further proof lies in the choice of
non-entity (but nice) RUTHLESS PEOPLE for 9pm. And it's all beginning to go
the Beeb's way.
|
 | 1990
Another Xmas, another decade and the BBC in up-to-the-minute 1990 are
showing ET, a film which they bill as a "World Television Premiere" which
may be technically correct but leaves aside the fact that everyone in this
universe and several others have seen it umpty-plumpty times already. Still,
at least it's got everything we would want from a Xmas film; laughs, special
effects, adventure, tears. So we've seen it before but has there been a film
on at Xmas within living memory that we haven't seen before? Regardless of
the cynicism on display we watched this and we bet you did too. In the
evening the Beeb came up with BABY BOOM at 9.45pm, which is nice, but the
best ITV could manage on the day was yet another showing of MOONRAKER at
exactly the same time as in 1985. Groo. They did have BEVERLY HILLS COP II
on later but we're still maintaining this sort of thing just shouldn't be on
at this time. It's not like there's a dearth of Xmas films, is there?
|
 | 1991
BBC1 are warming to their movie premiere theme with a 6pm
BATMAN and at 9.30pm COMING TO AMERICA. ITV stick to their guns with FOR
YOUR EYES ONLY in the afternoon but climb on board with an evening showing
of CROCODILE DUNDEE II. This was a premiere although, bizarrely, not a
network premiere since Thames and Yorkshire got a repeat showing of midget
showcase TOP GUN instead. The logic behind this rather escapes us but then
the logic of the Beeb's two films escape us also since neither really meet
the criteria of what we want and smack of the first unscreened films that
happened to be passing Television Centre, wrapped in tinsel bought at a
market and thrown out for the masses. New films, yes, but where's the love?
|
 | 1992
1992 sees BBC1 back on top with the must-see event of the day (and, truth be
told, of the last four years) and INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE at
3.10pm. Just to clinch the deal they scoop the competition with the second
half of arguably the best Xmas Day double of them all, SHIRLEY VALENTINE at
9.50pm. Meanwhile ITV went down to Video 1 and hired out SUPERGIRL, THREE
FUGITIVES and YOUNGBLOOD, put them in the video, turned the lights off and
went out.
|
 | 1993
It's perfectly understandable why in 1993 BBC1 chose to disregard the second
part of the Fox trilogy and go straight to BACK TO THE FUTURE PART III at
4.05pm (having shown the first part in 1988) since hardly anyone ever
confessed to liking – or even understanding – it. Except us, of course. But
it does them out of a double sweep since they had completed the Indiana
Jones trilogy by 1992. Ah, that's what comes of film-makers releasing two
segments of the same trio pretty much back to back (as happened with BTTF
parts II and III), and as such we're looking forward to seeing The Matrix
Reloaded skirted over by the Beeb come Xmas 2007 or whenever. Still,
academic really and it's good family stuff, is #3. Not one to set the
heather alight but then, as we say round here, that's hardly the point. At
9.10pm the burgeoning adolescent girl audience is placated with the shit
GHOST which inexorably lead to Titanic being shown in years to come but
we'll worry about that when it happens. ITV are having a worrying time of
their own meanwhile with THE NEVER ENDING STORY in the afternoon which is
all well, and good but in the video age we expect to see something a little
more recent than a film nine years old (unless the reasoning was that it
allowed us all to tape a film deleted from catalogues everywhere, which is a
thought). Then it's time for a sleigh ride down the pan as they inflict
NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION on the world at 6pm. Look away now.
Still, a late rally at 8pm with the toasty FIELD OF DREAMS before creating
that wonderful Edgar Allen Poe atmosphere we all love at Yuletide with DOA
at 9.55pm. Ho-Ho-Ho indeed.
|
 | 1994
No other year illustrates what template to follow for success at Xmas
better than 1994. BBC1 went for ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES which, again,
must just have got off the tube at White City when the schedulers were
staring out of the window of the concrete doughnut, but ITV (Granada
actually) have MARY POPPINS at 3.10pm. Okay, it may be 10 years to the day
that the BBC put it out but let's face it, it's always welcome. The other
regions try another throw of THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK – which we probably
watched – but here's the thing; at 6.05pm comes a film 35 years old from
Disney: SLEEPING BEAUTY. Never shown before, from a time when Uncle Walt and
his homogenised helpers kept a closer watch on their trove of treasure.
Forget what we said above about wanting newer films, we bet – we do
sincerely hope! – it wiped the floor with the competition. It's a beautiful
film and so appropriate to Xmas Day showing it practically sparkles. ITV
luck out! The BBC grind their metallic teeth and vow revenge...
|
 | 1995
1995 comes and goes and nobody really paid any attention. Well, with BBC1
showing the bloody awful HOOK in the afternoon and then a film about the
consequences of your wife sleeping with a stranger for money - namely
INDECENT PROPOSAL – in the evening; and with ITV putting up GHOSTBUSTERS II
and SISTER ACT in opposition, we ask you – would you pay any attention to
that load of hoary old bobbins?
|
 | 1996
BBC1 swing back into action with JURASSIC PARK in the early evening
and thoughts of Dynamation turn old gin-soaked eyes moist (so much so that
we wonder why they didn't just shove on JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS again,
nobody would have complained) and a nation tunes in ignoring ITV and their
DENNIS and their interminable THE REMAINS OF THE DAY. "Has Grandad choked to
death Mummy?" "No, son, he's just been yawning for 45 minutes. Pass the
Newberry Fruits."
|
 | 1997
It's a Labour 1997 and the first stirrings of a serious ratings war with
BBC1 screening premieres THE FLINTSTONES and THE MASK and ITV providing a
spirited rejoinder with A MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL and HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN
NEW YORK. The inevitable outcome of this ratings war, naturally, is that we
get three films we couldn't give a toss about and one (the Muppets number)
which we can't help but think they bought because it had 'Christmas' in the
title and certainly not out of any thought for us poor, huddled masses.
Meanwhile they churn out headlines about who won the ratings war and what
figures they got which might get them all wetting their knickers in The Ivy
but which the licence payers of the world couldn't give a tuppeny
you-know-what for. More fun, more laughs, less sodding Budget Video fodder
please!
|
 | 1998
Some more calculated tactical moves in from both sides in 1998. ITV become
all too aware that they cannot compete in any way, shape or form with the
BBC1 showing of BABE at 7pm. Not even were it advertised as being
interrupted halfway through by a party political by The Real Liberal Party
would the nation look away. So instead they don't try and wait 'til 10.40pm
to show THE GODFATHER PART II and catch the Dads as they wake up before
scoffing more stuffing sandwiches and leftover chipolatas. Meanwhile, of
course, our attention is dragged away by Channel 4 and their oh-so-hilarious
notion of a radical alternative by showing THE OMEN in the evening. They're
not that bloody radical though, if they were they'd have put on The Hills
Have Eyes or Driller Killer instead. The twats.
|
 | 1999
It's tiresome repeats all round: BBC1 and a 4pm JUMANJI and ITV
with a 3.10pm ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE. And the nation plays with the
boxes.
|
 | 2000
It's a story of two competitive, symbiotic yet mutually destructive
ideologies as BBC1 go for premieres with THE BORROWERS and TITANIC while ITV
show OCTOPUSSY! Hurray! Titanic itself has become somewhat symbolic for what
seems to have gone wrong with Xmas films these few years. One would imagine
that somewhere along the line someone would say, "But everyone who's even
slightly interested will have it on video – in fact they'll probably get it
that morning if they haven't got it already. And anyway, a film about the
horrible death of thousands of people and the injustice of the steerage
system on Cunard liners of the early 20th century isn't our idea of a
seasonal treat." But, no. They stuck it on anyway because it was a Big Film.
The reckoning runs thus: lots of people saw it in the pictures, so lots of
people will watch it on the telly. Wrong! Lots of people saw it very
recently in the pictures so hardly anyone needs to see it on telly. You TV
executives there! Just put on Cinderella and shut the fuck up!
|
 | 2001
Time to destroy a great Easter tradition and finally show THE GREAT
ESCAPE for the first time on Xmas Day ever! ITV bow to the pressures put on
them by a million shit comics and gag writers and bow to the inevitable. Of
course, it's actually rather a good move because the attendant publicity
most likely dragged in loads of people – including us, we recall – but even
so it's a bloody good film and no mistake. We doubt however, that it
would've fared terribly well against the chaps the BBC put out against it,
showing as they did the premiere (by now a required word) of TOY STORY.
Again, yes, everyone has it on video but it's good fun all the same. More of
this please.
|
 | 2002
BBC1 manage to bag
CHICKEN RUN. It would be churlish to complain since it really is just
exactly what we want for Xmas Day with everyone shushed up, peeling open
chocolate coins, sucking on fruit rock, sipping brandy and laying into whole
boxes of After Eight mints each (because it's Christmas). When in doubt ITV
of course – and very sagely – get back to the centre and screen a Bond.
Namely THUNDERBALL. Ah, bless.
|
