Yeah, alright, but we wanted a Q and we're not that crazy about Pauline Quirke. Anyway, the monarch of the day first made a CHRISTMAS MESSAGE in 1932, when King George V broadcast live from Buckingham Palace on December 25th. It's been a wireless staple ever since, but the first TV appearance came in 1957. Alf Garnett was right, too - it was broadcast live for the first few years, until 1960 when it was pre-recorded, with the two-fold intention of allowing it to be sent to the various colonies around the world, and also so Her Maj could eat her dinner in peace. Yet in 1963 there was some sort of cock-up and so it was broadcast in sound-only, with a drawing of the Queen on screen instead. In 1964 it was fixed at three o'clock, and though technically it's of variable length - well, who's going to shut her up? - it normally lasts about ten minutes or so.

There was no speech in 1969, though, as the Queen thought she'd been on telly enough that year, given her appearance in the documentary THE ROYAL FAMILY. This huge two-hour show basically followed the Windsors about their everyday business, and we'd quite like to see the whole of it becauise the extracts we've seen look incredibly weird - simply watching Prince Philip trying to light a barbecue, and Princess Anne read a book. The whole thing was shown on BBC1 and BBC2 simultaneously one Saturday night in June 1969, and then again on Christmas Day instead of the speech. The side-effect of the whole thing was that it refined the way the Christmas message was filmed. Previously it had involved some huge OB trucks parking up at Buckingham Palace, and hundreds of roadies laying wires throughout the corridors. However from 1970 it simply involved a couple of people turning up at the Palace with a handheld camera. That's been the only noticeable difference since - in 1997 production switched from the BBC to ITN, and they now alternate. Whether the move over to the commercial channel has led to some Morecambe and Wise-style shark jumping, we dunno. We're normally well into the turkey at that point.

Born Anne Rice, she had to change her name when she joined Equity as somebody had already registered that name. She started her telly career in Hong Kong, fronting various low-budget TV shows over there, and on her return to the UK, got a job as secretary to Anna Home in the BBC children's department. Her big break came in 1983 when she was plucked to be the skyrunner on TREASURE HUNT. She gallivanted around the country for the next five years, bantering with her crew and pilot, and shouting at Ken's contestants back in the studio. It took a while for the show to take off, with various technical problems complicating the game, and Anneka having to lug loads of equipment around with her. Later in the run, though, everything seemed to come together - thanks partly to the arrival of Wincey Willis as Ken's wisecracking sidekick. There have been many ace moments in the run, including the time she gort knocked over by a horse at Hickstead, and the time she split her trousers. Her final show, meanwhile, saw her hit in the face with a beer-soaked rag.

In 1988 Anneka left the show and was replaced by the useless Annabel Croft, who was always billed as 'Guest Presenter' in the opening titles, just to undermine her authority that little bit more. Annie defected to the Beeb, and after a one-off for CHILDREN IN NEED, CHALLENGE ANNEKA was launched in 1989. TV Cream loved this show at the start, because it was actually quite exciting to see if she could manage her tasks, and we really wanted to stay the night in Anneka's lorry, which included its own kitchen and bedroom. However it soon jumped the shark, thanks to a) the Radio Times starting to give away what the challenge was, which had previously been a secret, and b) the way she constantly referred to herself on the phone as "Anneka Rice from the Challenge programme!". That's not it's name, Anneka!

Anneka's other shows include various stints on TV-am, a reporting brief on Thames teatime would-be Blue Peter-beater CBTV, and travel shows, including one series in charge of HOLIDAY. There was also the useless game show PASSPORT, which would take place in an exotic location each week, but often seemed like It's A Knockout with added sun. And Anneka was far too nice to the contestants. Challenge Anneka finished in 1995 and, to be frank, we dunno what she's doing now. Anyone?

25 years ago or so, Angela was one of the most famous people on television. She started off her career on local TV in the South West, before joining BBC News as a reporter in 1973. Within a few years, she was promoted to the role of newsreader; announced as the first time a woman had held the job in the UK. It wasn't - both the BBC and ITV had employed them before - but she was the first to last more than five minutes, and the first not to have to read it in front of a backdrop of a kitchen sink. Ange fronted most of the main Beeb bulletins, and in 1976 shocked the nation by dancing with Morecambe and Wise on Christmas night - well, they were simpler times. In 1977 she was compere of THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST. She also fronted the Beeb's coverage of the 1979 election, sitting next to David Dimbleby all night, operating ROVER ("can draw pictures never seen on screen before") and recapping the night's events over some appalling stills of those involved. She also linked a profile of Thatcher, and David had to point out that it had been recorded the previous day and hence Ange was wearing a different blouse than the one we'd just seen her in.

At Christmas 1980 it was announced that the TV-am consortium, of which she was a member, had won the breakfast TV franchise, so she quit the newsdesk and moved to Hawley Crescent. Her final Beeb gig was manning the cosmetics counter on the coverage of Charles and Diana's wedding in 1981. Two years later, the 'vam finally made it to the screen, and Angela had the thankless task of fronting the dreary DAYBREAK for the first month, before being allowed on the sofa for the second month (thanks to the station's ridiculous 'month on, month off' shift patten) alongside Anna Ford. Neither was much cop, Frank Bough pointing out that they may have been good newsreaders, but they weren't flexible enough to front a magazine show. And Frank knew these things. They were in charge on the day Peter Jay was forced out, and after speaking to the press, were told they'd breached their contracts and were thrown out by new chief executive Timothy Aitken.

So Ange became presenter-for-hire - she'd already fronted ANTIQUES ROADSHOW and, bizarrely, the embryonic TOP GEAR. Her finest hour, though, came with MASTERTEAM, the 5.35 staple with a pot pourri (that's a mixed bag, a random mixture of questions, we didn't really know what we were going to get) of questions - however her next daytime quizzer, the tennis-themed MATCHPOINT, was just dull. She took over from the late Eammon Andrews on WHAT'S MY LINE and fronted THE ENTERTAINERS, which can still be seen on ITV at 4am most weeks. She was also duty newsreader on THE BIG BREAKFAST for many years, filling in when Peter Smith was ill or on holiday, and regularly reported for WATCHDOG. Most recently she's joined every other newsreader in the world filling in on the ITV News Channel, although she appeared to be confined to overnight slots, which seemed a bit of a waste. Still, seeing her at 3am pronouncing Robert Mugabe's name in her own unique style was a real treat for the insomniac Creamer.

Yeah, he may be all over BBC1 (and the Radio Times) these days, but it hasn't always been plain sailing for the less annoying Ross brother. He started off in telly behind the camera, working on the production team for such shows as the abysmal TRAK TRIX (and he appeared in front of the camera on the show's Christmas tape, falling off a skateboard) and SOLID SOUL. In 1987, having come up with a new chat show format with his mate Alan Marke, they famously couldn't find a host and so Jonathan did it himself. THE LAST RESORT was an instant hit, with Channel Four extending the show's run and moving it from the original slot of midnight to 10.30pm. Alright, the show was basically a rip-off of Letterman, but few did it with as much wit or charm as Jonathan, and various best-dressed awards, Radio 1 series and lager adverts followed. However when the show ended in 1988, Jonathan was unable to live up to it. Follow-up ONE HOUR WITH JONATHAN ROSS was an attempt to mix serious interviews with comedy (from a tyro Reeves and Mortimer), but it failed and the only bit anyone remembers was when he got handcuffed to his chair ("I'm gonna thump ya!"). Then it was the living hell of TONIGHT WITH JONATHAN ROSS, a thrice-weekly show which could never get any guests and more or less killed his career. But he did start fronting THE BRITISH COMEDY AWARDS in 1991, which is still the best thing he does on telly.

He decided to leave Channel Four in 1992 and signed a contract with LWT and Carlton. The first fruits of this deal - the uninteresting Tarrant on TV-style miscellaney FANTASTIC FACTS- set the tone, with various "In Search Of..." documentaries to see out his contract. Worse was to come, though, and in 1996 he fronted THE BIG BIG TALENT SHOW. This wasn't perhaps any better or worse than most Saturday night affairs, but it seemed such a huge comedown from what he'd done before. In the second series he had to co-present with Garry Bushell, for Christ's sake. After this he rarely surfaced on telly, with only Sure adverts (and his wife's books) keeping him in the public eye; he'd also sold his stake in Channel X, his production company, for a quid. The odd appearance on NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS (notably the video-only version, where he's told by Lamarr to 'shut the fuck up') hinted that he still had something to offer, though.

However in 1998 Chris Evans hired him for a Sunday morning show on Virgin (they'd worked together on the radio before, on Richard Branson's ill-fated Radio Radio 'sustaining service' in the late 80s, most famous for Jonathan once leaving his mike on during a record and informing his listeners what he and his wife had enjoyed the previous night), and he seemed to be pretty good at it - so much so he was poached by Radio 2 in 1999. At the same time he took over from Barry Norman on FILM 99, became a regular on THEY THINK IT'S ALL OVER and chaired IT'S ONLY TV BUT I LIKE IT - which was rotten, but at least he was back on telly. Eventually he was offered an exclusive contract by the Beeb, and now fronts virtually everything on BBC1, including the hugely depressing FRIDAY NIGHT WITH JONATHAN ROSS and anything else they offer him. He's now perhaps reached late-80s levels of ubiquity, so it's a shame that, radio show aside, virtually nothing he does is any good anymore. And he always pulls that annoying face in his publicity photos, too.