Annual Labour - Reconstructing the past via Fleetway and Grandreams

Annual labour

In which we attempt, rather dumbly it must be said, to reconstruct the past via the idiosyncratic medium of the tie-in annual. Though sidelined today, the annual has long been a stalwart of the british pop culture merchandising bandwagon, especially when Christmas comes along. But they're not just restricted to comics - Pop stars, TV shows, footballers, even Peter Duncan had their own hard-bound accessories. Put simply, if more than three

people had heard of it, there was an annual for it, published by such giants of the medium as Fleetway, Grandreams and Purnell. The resilience of these books cannot be underestimated, many surviving long after the subject has all but faded from view, which makes them ideal archive fodder. One small problem, though. The hasty, production-line "will this do?" nature of many of these cash-ins means that the reports contained within may bear only a faint similarity with your memories, to say nothing of reality...

BLUE PETER (BBC Books)
A Christmas stocking fixture for thousands of years, the format never wavered: pictures from notable shows during the previous year, write-ups of the main events, stuff about the expedition and the appeal, a bit of history in cartoon form, some 'makes' and a competition where the prize was a trip to the Blue Peter Party. A full review would take a whole web-site but here are some highlights:

Fourth Book (1967) - Noakes and Singleton at the helm; how to make the Advent Crown; Joey the Parrot; Bengo the dog; A Paddington bear story.
Fifth Book (1968) - Purves joins; Joey again; Bleep and Booster join the cartoon list.
Sixth Book (1969) - Norwegian Crimble tree in Trafalgar Square; Purves makes a football rattle in Spurs colours; arrival of Daniel the BP baby.
Seventh Book (1970) - Noakes as Henry VIII; Feature on Daniel Lambert, the fattest bloke ever; Val makes a sled for a soldier doll (that's Action Man round here, Val).
Eighth Book (1971) - THAT safari to Kenya with a certain Princess; the 532 Blue Peter locomotive; an appeal for spoons and forks (what did people eat with after they'd sent in all their cutlery?).
Ninth Book (1972) - Arrival of the gorgeous Judd; Frost fairs in London; Purves down the Tube; The Box for 2000 gets buried.
Tenth Book (1973) - UpHellyAa on Shetland; The world's longest tandem with Ronnie Barker riding it.
Eleventh Book (1974) - Chris Bonnington; a Tolpuddle Martyrs cartoon; Bengo, Paddington and Bleep & Booster still hanging in there.
Twelfth Book (1975) - Buttons the Guide Dog; the Three B's appeal..... and so it continues.
By the Twenty Second Book (1985) the crew has changed (Groom, Sundin and Ellis) and the cartoons and stories have been ditched. Other than that it's much the same stuff, apart from the bit with Janet Ellis covered in mud.

COUNTDOWN (Parnell)
Offering from Parnell circa 1972, we don't know if this 'annual' was a yearly event or was even derived from a weekly mag, but it offered the standard fare of cartoon strips based on then current TV series. Hence, inside this bumper bonanza were such delights as 'The Persuaders' with a rather crudely drawn Roger Moore, Dr Who and UFO interspersed with the odd crossword and games. An article on what it'll be like in the year 2000 promised us the opportunity to live on the moon. And we still feel cheated.

DR WHO (World Distributors)
Peter Davison fresh from inserting his arms where other vets dare not reach, tried his hand (washed, of course) in this role as everyones favourite GP. This annual is from 1983, an anniversary for Dr Who and around the same time as the epic 'Five Doctors' series which brought all previous reincarnations of the Doctor back for fun and games.

DUNCAN DARES (Boxtree)
As the cover points out, this is "by famous TV star Peter Duncan!" just in case there was any doubt whatsoever about the man's stature, which of course there isn't. Not really an annual, as the show didn't last long enough to spawn any sequels, but it's still a good example of the 'will this do?' form. A couple of pages each are devoted to The Dunc's various sub-Noakes challenges (usually ending with the lines "I was relieved and exhausted, but I had enjoyed myself. Now all I could think of was a hot bath and a cup of tea." The dares sent in by kids are better for the sheer cruelty on show - bed of nails, walking on hot coals ("I had escaped with only minor blisters"), etc. Groom couldn't've done it.

GILES (Express Newspapers)
Still going strong, despite the death of the master himself some years ago, presumably due to large amounts of archive material. Always had a forward by celeb of the day (eg Michael Parkinson or Terry Wogan). Cartoons not so much 'funny', as mildly amusing on occasion; They were seemingly based on one of the following premises:
- Kids bring home a dangerous animal (eg tiger or elephant) or piece of military equipment (eg tank) after trip out for the day, someone makes a wry comment;
- One of the kids does something to incur the wrath of Grandma (eg shooting an arrow at her), who lumbers over to remonstrate with them, someone makes a wry comment;
- One of the parents makes a wry comment about the youth of today whilst they are all seated at the kitchen table.
Much was also made of the winter snow scenes, although was it coincidence that the white snow was exactly the same colour as the white paper it was drawn on?

THE GOODIES FILE / THE GOODIES BOOK OF CRIMINAL RECORDS (Weidenfeld & Nicholson)
Almost an annual as they did two in successive years, suitably full of subversive rudeness to provide mass appeal in the 14 - 18 age group. The 'File is a collection of documents supposedly collected by Mrs Edna Tole, the Goodies' cleaner. The BOCR was their right of reply, dressed up as a law suit between them and their publisher. There's a resemblance in the layout to the Python books that had preceded them, but the Goodies gags revolved around their personalities so there's plenty of Tim Brooke Taylor wanting to be Prime Minister and Graeme Garden doing mad scientist/doctor stuff.

GRANGE HILL (Grandreams)
OK, so you get the dodgy cartoon strips (see below), the even worse written stories (Trish teases Susi MacMahon about being fat, makes her anorexic, then apologises) and a four-page puff for the bloody Anna Scher Theatre School. But there's some top vintage Hill content as well, with personal profiles of Terry "Benny Green" Sue Patt, Michelle "Trisha" Herbert ("Trisha isn't like me at all. She's a bit on the flash side, isn't she?... my mum works in a microfilm plant and my dad's a tailor ... Clint Eastwood - he's lovely, inne?") and The difference between Tucker and me," by Todd Carty ("Tucker is not a bit like me. I haven't gone around burning schools!... I listen to classics sometimes, but mainly today's kind of music is best for me.")

THE HERBS ANNUAL (BBC 1968)
Standard pics 'n' stories fare with a light sprinkling of puzzles. Also featured is a favourite of the annual compiler - the sub-Snakes-and- Ladders board-game-in-a-book that required a dice and a counter for each player. "Sir Basil is out shooting, go back three places", "Lady Rosemary asks you to hold her trug basket, lose two turns", etc. As in every other instance the game inevitably remained unplayed, mainly because you could only provide the necessary equipment by pinching it out of a proper board game (and forgetting to return the dice and counters to their rightful home in the box under the bed, of course). Stubbornly unentertaining, the book does at least help in identification of the less well-remembered herby characters such as Aunt Mint and Pashana Bedhi. Herbidaceous.

JIGSAW (World Distributors)
This inevitable spin-off annual features the delectable Janet Ellis, enough said ? Nah, the cover of this annual promises delights such as jigsaws and mazes, you can guess the rest. Mr Noseybonk features heavily, but we're not sure about that non-committal 'all sorts of fun things' line on the cover.

JOE 90 (Century 21 Publishing)
He always was a pain in the shitter and this book provides very little redemption. A series of badly drawn six-page cartoon strips interspersed with some pseudo-factual bollocks about spies, pictures of the BIG-RAT, features on WIN, Sam Loover, Shane Weston and the rest and, of course, another sodding board game.

THE MAGIC ROUNDABOUT - A HOLIDAY WITH ZEBEDEE (1966 Odhams)
A useful hallmark of Creamy annuals is the legend 'Based on the popular BBC television series' in large letters on the cover. Loads of pics lifted straight from the Serge Danot's legendary animation as Zebedee rounds up Florence, Paul, Basil, Rosalie and Mr Rusty for a holiday on a train. Dougall's attempts to procure a passport photo fill a gap at the front then it's off, with a quick detour to visit Ermintrude, to the Land of the Lollipops. Top action ensues with a race between the train and Mr MacHenry on his trike. Then there's a trip on a boat followed by the discovery of a mysterious egg. When Basil finally plucks up the courage to open it there's a pink and orange hunting horn inside that looks like it's related to Ludwig. Finally there's some psychedelic golf and some prancing about on the stage of Zebedee's Magic Theatre. You can almost hear Eric Thompson.

MAGPIE (World Distributors)
1973 - Stranks, Bastable and Rae are your hosts for a breezy romp around the studio and some stories you might have missed. Less prone to worship of icons than the Blue Peter tomes but it still pinched a number of BP book cliches, like the selection of 'Hello and Welcome/Hello There" pictures at the beginning or the incongruous bit of fiction in the middle ("Wolves in the Pennington Road" by Helen Cresswell in this case). Sign of the times enlightenment from the page reviewing the results of the previous year's appeal on behalf of deaf kids. Magpie never pissed about with milk-bottle tops or paperback books, they went for hard cash. The target they set was 1,280 quid, by the end of

February they had 31,000. There's Puff the Pony, some Brunelian shipbuilding history and a message from Murgatroyd. And a piece about the production team with pictures of Mick Robertson being a researcher in the days before his fame and fortune were assured by a place in front of the cameras.

1977 (pictured) - By now the hippy graphics are beginning to cramp the 'Pie's style. And the opening Music! Music! Music! feature doesn't help much with the "trendy Blue Peter" image - "Mick, a budding pop star himself, is quite partial to rock ... Doug on the other hand goes for jazz and the big band sound." Prediction for the future? The steel guitar will be big. And watch out for 'funky soul band' FBI... The rest of the book is similar to t'other - endangered species, 'totters', the appeal update (they clocked over 128K this time), a sober piece on "presenting" (Jenny, pushing the Blue Peter comparisons even further - "The elephant kept putting its trunk down my wellington boot!") and possibly the dullest item ever in a children's book - "Flour". Also in '77 came The Mighty Magpie Book! which was even more sober, to the point of including a foreword from the producer. You can try too hard with these things, you know.

METAL MICKEY (1984)
Published around about the last of the annoying dustbin's Saturday teatime appearances on ITV. Just the briefest of flicks through this will ensure you can't get that stupid theme tune out of my head, nor that irritating catchphrase 'Boogie... Boogie...' Irene Handl was there too, so it can't have been that bad (could it?)

NUMBER 73 (Boxtree)
The jury's still out on whether No 73 was any good or not (we liked it), but this latecomer tie-in describes itself as "Crucial! Brill! Dangerous! Bad! Excellent! Critical! Fit! Funky! Real! Decent! Wicked! Drastic!" etc. It seldom is, being from the fallow post-Ethel/"tunnel into Mr. Patel's shop" period. The cast (mainly in cartoon form) do the same humorous links twixt rolling factoids, eco-issues and David bloody Taylor. Frank Sidebottom turns up. As with the programme, it effortlessly gives the impression of a zany, anarchic experience without being anything of the sort. And the following year, the show turned into a "wild west theme park"...

ROCK SCENE (Purnell)
Actually printed in 1979 but looking like something from four years before, this pin-ups 'n' pedantry compendium is rooted firmly in the sort of '70s that comedy writers think they remember - all flower-strewn graphics, Travolta and, er, Patti Boulaye. The 'profiles' are not of the calibre of the 'Pops (see below), being incredibly dull. 'In depth' studies of the Bee Gees/Peter Frampton Beatles film are not gripping reading, but we do learn of the previous incarnations of the great Boney M - DJ, secretary, "former Miss Black and Beautiful", and "founder member of the Les Humphries Singers".

RUPERT THE BEAR (Express Newspapers)
Age old favorite, in which characters exist in a sort of 1930's subtopia/parrallel universe, where all cars are black, teachers wear gowns, fisherman wear chunky white sweaters and smoke pipes, and humans and human like animals exist side by side in harmony (there's a metaphor struggling to get out there somewhere). The bear himself embarks on various 'adventures', whilst dressed like a golfing pro (ie tartan trews and a bright red sweater), all of which luckily don't stop him getting home in time for tea. Strange ryhming couplets tell the story. Also, cover price is a useful way of tracking 1970's inflation, if you have a full set from that decade.

SCORCHER (Fleetway)
Seventies footycentric annual, complete with serous to amusing comic strips (eg Billy's Boots, where ancient footy boots endow Pele like skills on Schoolboy), topical features ('The Road To Football Stardom'), quizes, etc. Fans wore scarves and bobble hats and carried rattles to matches, players ate orange quarters at half time.

3-2-1 (Fleetway)
"We can't give you any gleaming new car or dream holiday prizes," Ted comiserates at the outset, "but if you get the answers wrong in this annual at least you won't go off with Dusty Bin!" Such is life. This cash-in defines the genre, being full of off-the-peg word games and, this being a Fleetway annual, loads of surplus sub-Beezer strips like The Spooks of St. Lukes and Capn' Codsmouth. But there is brilliance here too. Your Saturday night compere - Ted Rogers ("Ted, your stand-up comedian and master of the topical gag, has tasted life at all levels") and Meet the man who made Dusty Bin (a bloke called Ian Rowley who looks uncannily like Rogers and reveals that for the first two years the bin was merely pushed along on castors by a crouching bloke) deliver the goods in spades. Sort of.

TOP OF THE POPS (World Distributors)
The 1976 Pops annual made many pop predictions on the music trends of that year - except one. Can you guess what it was? But we didn't want it for Lydon, we wanted it for The Osmonds - They're so professional! ("All the boys still call their father 'Sir', which I thought was a great mark of respect."), "The show really must go on" says Leo Sayer ("He's a loner!"), and especially The 4 Faces of Gilbert O'Sullivan (and they are - get this - "behind the mike", "relaxing in the sun", "with a dog" and "just being casual"). Or even a lengthy and banal article on The Supergroups. That's Status Quo and Hello, by the way. But as well as the usual Daily Mail showbiz correspondent-written gloss (Elton

John - This amazing little man), we get the inside dirt on the industry with serious investigative journalism like How to be a pop millionaire (with the l's in millionaire replaced with pound symbols) by Mickie Most, and, most spectacular of all, "It's tough being a Pan's Person!" And my God, is it. Flick Colby, all-round earthmother of all TOTP dancers, gets letters by the bucketload from girls wanting to join The People but it's much tougher than they think etc. She also revealed that Pan's people's "record" didn't take off. Does anyone have this record?

New decade, new music, and in six years the pop landscape is almost totally unrecogniseable from the naive, safe glam world of the mid '70s. And of course, the Pops annuals reflected that radical change. Blondie (Just call them... sensational!) Bryan Ferry (The gentleman of pop!) and... hang on, what's this? "We get lots of letters from girls who want to be in Legs and Co., who want to take up dancing professionally..." Yes, It's a tough life, being a dancer, reckons Flick Colby, bless her ("Although I'm American born, I've been here for yonks!"). Impact bands features include - hey! - Adam and the Ants ("They were tipped by Peter Powell as the band most likely to do for the eighties what Gary Glitter did for the seventies!"), The Skids ("They've got all the grim determination of weather-

beaten Scottish clansmen!") and, well, Iron Maiden ("It took a great deal of determination for Iron Maiden to not give in and become just another new wave band!"). Good. "So you want to be a disc jockey? Well, it's not as easy as it looks..." asserts Peter Powell, setting out his dual-pronged media assault on radio and youth clubs as evidence. "A lot more songs to come", says BA Robertson, and a chill falls about the Earth. "Bang Bang is probably the song I'll be remembered for for a long time." Oh yes.

POWELL ON THE BIZ!

"A kid of 14 is grown up now. Mentally he's aware. You can't con kids any longer, you really can't. You've got to be honest and live with an image you can cope with, otherwise they can suss you out. And if they suss you out, then forget it! Originally, I was going to be a merchant banker. But that fell through completely because I failed academically. My great ambition at one time was to be a salesman for ICI! A disc jockey is, in a way, a salesman. Then I got the idea that I'd like to be Tony Blackburn. Then I got a job with my father selling agricultural buildings. Is the disc jockey too powerful? Yes, I think he is, to a degree. We've got a much greater chance now through the different aspects of our work. We are supposed to be, perhaps, leaders, a little bit..."

ZOO TIME (1967 Lutterworth Press)
This time 'based on the ever-popular Granada Television programme' and produced with the 'full co-operation of The Zoological Society of London'. So that's all right then. Page 6 plunges us straight into the Panda pogging adventures of Chi-Chi and the endless efforts of 60's zookeepers to get her to do some shagging with An-An, a well-hung male from behind the Iron Curtain. Lots of pacing about but apparently no humping. Next it's the dubiously titled Reg Lanworn's look at three popular species of terrapin. Monkeys, deer, elephants, chameleons, rhinos, birds, an Ask The Family style 'guess-who' picture quiz and even a crossword fill the remaining pages. This is the sixties and under 10's must therefore have respect for their elders and betters so the stick insects page (eggs cost 2/6d for 60 from Worldwide Butterflies Ltd. of Over Compton, Dorset) is penned by 'Mr GJ Ashby'. He was Assistant to the Curator of the Aquarium so it's only fitting that we should doff our hats.

Filling in the bumper crossword: Tim Unwin, Clive A Shaw, Adrian Partington, Steve Berry, John Coulthard