THE HOME COMPUTER COURSE (1983)

The archetypal binder weekly, the Orbis Home Computer Course ran for six months in 1983/4, aimed at the earnest novice who'd just splashed out on ten inches of hot, black Sinclair goodness, but "wanted to do more than just play games", the twit. Each edition featured a "cover star" computer, which was then dissembled in a sizzling centrefold, with accompanying drooling text ("The Sord M5 is a solid and compact machine similar in size to the Sinclair Spectrum, but is considerably heavier"). Well, sort of. In between, it offered handy programming tips for all machines ("Make the most of the Dragon 32's sound commands!") and spotlighted those software breakthroughs ("It's a rare thing to come across a product that is radically different in both concept and quality... such a piece of software is Budgeco's Pinball Construction Set.") A sober hobbyist's magazine, which just reached the end of its run before the home computer market fell flat on its gosubby arse. Binder rather flimsy - £3.95 for set of two ("Save £1!")

INPUT (1984)
Similar (veeery similar) to the above, but this time produced by the other set of binder merchants, Marshall-Cavendish, and advertised by a cartoon Scottish robot. Imagine were commissioned to write some programs to go with the magazine, but they were rejected, losing the company a lot of money, which they were already losing like there was no tomorrow.

THE KNACK (1982)
Now, this is more like it. Coinciding (more or less) with the invention of the epoch-defining Workmate, the launch of the whitecoated Do-It-All Dancers, and indeed the advent of the "Easifit" bathroom tile ("I'm 'avin' a spot of bovver!") came this week-by-week handyman's bookshelf. Everything from lagging to spice racks, grouting to 'making good', this wipe-clean publication promised to turn "your old man" into a "DIY expert" in mere months, with "easy to follow step-by-step instructions". Main problem - Issue one told you how to remove an old sink unit, but you had to wait a week to find out how to effect a replacement, resulting in washing in standpipe-filled buckets for six days. TV ads were fronted by a Robin Askwith-type chirpy cockernee in blue overalls. Sadly, trad handyman's tut-tutting banter and the art of overcharging for a bodged effort weren't taught here. Binder - rigid as hell, of course. Strong enough to take all the knocks! But see below...

STORYTELLER (1980s)
Kids' story bindercomic complete with tape and Judi Dench/ageing actor bloke-style narration,which usually held such literary gems as Aldo and His Magic Vacuum Cleaner, Gobbolino the Witch's Cat, and a few doctored Grimm and Andersen Tales. There was usually one story in each issue which was meant to be 'evocative and meaningful', which was in fact the one that every fast-forwarded in favour of Ford's Toy Cars, a heart-rending tale of a boy named Ford, and it appears, some toy cars. Trolls were also involved somewhere in the equation. Plus the tale of The Big Hairy Boggart, which was good for a few sniggers in the playground.

THE UNEXPLAINED (1982)
Another Orbis edition, and what must be the most feted bindermag ever, returning at regular intervals right up to this very day. As parodied by Spitting Image ("Strange Thingies" magazine), the 'Splained took in all the threads of paranormal odditude that were currently doing the round on Arthur C Clarke's Mysterious World, Chariots of The Gods, Bob Symes' Mystery Seires, Francis Hitching's Mystery Books etc. etc. Alien civilisations, spontaneous combustion, where did the ancient Britons get the clay to make the bricks to build Stonehenge, the by-now-familiar "what if...?" drill. Actually, much of it was rather gullible cobblers (like the three-parterb - 'Jack The Ripper- Alien or Ghost?', they couldn't catch him because he was an invisible demon, or something) or endless photos of spoons bent in 'PK laboratories' (brill concept in itself; but 'things only happened' when the attention-seeking adolescent at the centre of it all was alone in the room, with the cameras switched off, & the lid unlocked... hmm... perhaps psi is inhibited by 'bad vibes' on the part of researchers & we have to go out of the room before it will happen). The ads (all featuring a circle of some sort - ball lightning, eclipse, coloured blobs of UFOs, that circle that appears on those ESP cards) and mysteriously appeared on telly around the same time that Uri Geller was doing his business over Magnus Pike and whathaveyou. Very convenient. Binder - standard affair. Durability - it's still about, in one form or another. The free flexidisk "Voices From The Dead" was terrifying. Abiding memories are the staid announcer explaining the different methods of recording voices with accompanying examples, e.g. "Magnetic Tape", "Diode (!)", but no indication of exactly how the voices were conjured up or whether they were heard by the experimenter themselves. Top examples of the voices included Winston Churchill - "Mark you, make believe my dear, yes", "W..... Churchill"; and a scary "Zenta..Zenta..Zenta!" in a two-tone cry. All complete arse, of course, but the fact that a schoolmate lost it 10 years ago and I can still hear the voices (!) makes it perhaps the ultimate in give-aways.

WARPLANE!/AIRPLANE! (1985-8)
This was a serious Magazine for the aircraft enthusiast!. Started as Warplane in 1985 ( ish) it was 'Updated and Republished' in around 1988 as Airplane in a desparate attempt to get a non macho/schoolboy audience. You got part 2 with part one Free! and you could send off for the binders in issue 5. Like most of these Orbis/IPC publications they disappeared after issue 5 to a subscription only basis - thus preventing schoolboys like me from buying it every week with his pocket money. The actual content of these magazines was very in depth . With a Major operation zone covered ( Afghanistan, The Falklands, Cold War) and a Star Aircraft - issue 1 featured the Tornado and issue 2 a Russian helicopter. The centre pages feature a double spread cutaway drawing of the 'Star' aircraft with extra notes pointing out the guns and misslies etc.... Airplane was the more civilian minded version which sufferesd an even worse death than Warplane! and disappeared from the shelves by issue 3. For a quid not bad value, in glossy technicolour and good quality staples held it together. The Binders were a bit on the dodgy side as the relied on a piece of thin metal sliding between the mag and the stable to keep it safe. A very dodgy concept and one that was bloody difficult to carry out.

BLACKWOOD MAGAZINE (18??-1980)
Odd little publication which you could loosely classify as a travel/general knowledge mag. It featured a bearded, sea-dog type gent as a logo on it's front cover every month, and inside endless articles on sailing around Cape Horn, running a farm in New Zealand, etc. Ads by Brylcream, The Prudential and Barclays predominated. Cover design seemingly unchanged in format from late 1800s to about 1975, then modern facelift preceded eventual demise around 1980. Endless copies still mouldering in greenhouses and attics to this day, I suspect.

NOW! (1980) ILL-STARRED current affairs mag from the Sir (now RIP) 'Jimmy' Goldsmith stable which was going to be a bold, bright, British attempt to do a 'Time'. It featured full colour pics and easy-to-read text. Obviously, it was too advanced for Billy Brit and like all good ideas ahead of their time in the UK, it was given one between the eyes after just 17 issues. The 'Not The Nine O' Clock News' team pinched the format for their book 'Not!' about a year later. Even before it was consigned to history Richard Ingrams did an extremely thorough job of taking the piss out of the whole thing.  

Still gathering dust, unread, in the attic: Paul Mavvin, John Field, SA Brotherton, Iain Griffiths, Droog Robinson, Keith Farnish, Adrian Partington, Mike Pitt.